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Hi everyone, Update 1.6 is live and this one is very special.
The biggest addition is the RestorGland mode, a highly challenging solo experience that
introduces new ways to play dying like the beast.
In RestorGland, your attacks will have permanent consequences.
If you kill zombies, they stay dead, so for the first time you can permanently restore the
home app.
But beware, loot is permanent too, putting your resource management to the test.
And if you want the ultimate challenge, activate the one life switch where you must complete
the whole game without dying.
Playing the restored land not only gives you a set of new cool rewards, but also changes
the world around you.
You will see castaways coming back to life and survivors taking back the areas restored
by you.
On top of that, the new update also brings a set of road Q-Car challenges, along with new finishers, achievements and narrative encounters.
We hope you enjoyed these new additions, so jump in right away.
And remember, it's your survival, your rules. Thank you for being with us.
Greetings and salutations. Greetings and salutations. Greetings and salutations.
So then, whoa! Hello! This is the mode we're gonna do. This is the mode I would have done anyway if I was playing this. Not sponsored.
So that's convenient
One life you get a survivalist after they survive the list
Sure.
You can get music out of that? No, it's loud, it's loud.
I gotta clean my freaking glasses, man.
Area 657, very much appreciate that dude man and Markov Kumbut.
Wanted to have a robot video, I go to Uber.
Thanks for some big food, I exchange an Abner Marsh.
Abner Marsh, sorry. Peter Rabbit and Del Tonno, no games.
My name is Kyle Crane.
and i'm dying how the hell did i get here
in 2014 a virus was devastating the city of haran and turkey turning people into undead monsters
wanting to help i joined an organization called the g re the claim they could stop the spread
and save the world they lied no 99 of the global population was wiped out
Oh
But I can't take any more.
I'm at peace with dying.
At least that I swear, if I had the chance to do just one thing...
...then I would kill the bastard in the hand.
But the bad guy was a zombie though, right?
The bad guy was a zombie though.
Maybe that guy was money the whole time.
Hope rich money.
Money
Wait, this is just MGS5, guys.
Wait, it actually is MGS5.
Hold on.
Oh
I'll save yours dude.
I'll fucking save yours Roy thanks for 7.
Yes.
You want them out?
It will be dangerous.
If he finds out.
This is a Marvel theme by the way.
Yes, I am the Alpha.
I'll do that myself.
I am a leader of men.
Ah!
Oh, darling.
Cheryl, can you please?
He's delirious and bloody stupid.
Remarkable, his body keeps trying to pull him.
Rise and shine, Crane. How are you thinking?
You look quite like yourself.
You're surprising after what we've put you through.
Now I must say you've proven quite resilient.
Too resilient. Stubborn.
Rebellious. Which is why I'm writing you off.
I found a new test subject, someone very promising.
So I won't be needing you anymore.
Wait, who?
He's already more compliant and obedient than you ever were.
Dude, I could be better. I could be better!
You can tell he's evil because his hands are being bowled by his back.
That's evil as shit.
He's like scientist evil.
I'm thinking that maybe you can't
How did she know I was near the radio?
Now remember guys, we only have one life.
Just get moving.
Bro, that's Olivia.
Guys, I gotta disclose for the FTC that this is sponsored, but action keeps happening on screen.
Hold on.
Mr. FTC?
I'm listening.
There's a ventilation duct on the other side of the room. Behind the bed.
You're done?
First and foremost, welcome to the Moon Road Show, TF.
Secondly, thank you Techland for sponsoring this stream.
Thirdly, dying like the beast is currently on sale with 20 to 25% off.
Diving to the ultimate high-quality survival experience now.
Until April 15th.
That's not even a big discount.
Oh, Mr. Moneybag's in chat.
Oh my god, that is not good.
As I'm hearing people die, can you guys hear me, by the way?
I
Ain't no one would name Kyle with arms that bad Jack
He's got a great
One of the current experiments.
A subject who's been wiped on the right.
Just keep moving forward.
The room on the left.
Go inside.
Well, might...
Do this guy's name is the Baron?
On the shelf, you'll see some adrenaline.
Inject yourself.
Hmm.
I don't know if I should take medical advice from the
This a body lady
Can't tell if there's a smudge in my glass
I'm heart pounding, motherfucker.
Now I can walk again after 14 years of torture.
What now?
Now, we need to get back to the main corridor.
If we're not careful, this light's gonna die.
We're good.
and doors aren't opening
two
oh guys
Oh, he's RPG walking at me.
Hey!
I'm ready to kill.
And they call me the beast.
Oh, it's got like chargers.
Punch and die!
Nice!
What a dumbass zombie.
I'm gonna kill this guy.
Focus Kyle.
Focus Kyle.
Head to the door on the left.
Oh.
Yes, I do. Oh, but how do you see it?
Sus also she's having me bent like in a mocus
my my koozie dude yes I'm 60 by the way
Hey Big M, Agent here again. Please don't mention other things while you're doing your sponsorship, thanks.
I'm sorry Mr. Agent. That's not my Agent by the way.
Bellas? It sounded a little juicy in there.
Time to start kicking ass.
Oh
You like that big man
Oh God
Remember
We've only got one life.
Zomboic strats.
Punching cancer ward patients?
Dude, they're evil zombies, man.
Plus 15 XP.
You might know it's so stuffed up.
They thought I would try to stealth through this.
I'm here for blood.
I think they take more damage from the rear.
Well we chill.
We miss anything foggers?
You got any games on there?
dying light the beast was a restored island or something regardless of the
game dying light the beast currently on sale with 20 to 25 percent of
There's no other way around.
Sorry.
Kyle, I don't think we should trust her.
Who knows?
Maybe it's the Baron with the voice modulator.
I can't open it.
The door's behind you.
We'll go through Section B.
But be careful.
Why?
What am I walking into?
And I should know more.
Where everything we've said wants to kill you.
The fuck?
Great.
You're the camera to see me, right?
Yes, sir.
Was anyone else watching?
Maybe.
I guess I better hurry.
It's... it's... let me fight them a question.
What do I have to do?
of
I like that they're all wearing the same jeans, that's cool.
You're wearing them, too.
What?
I'm working on it.
Damn it.
Someone must have looked it.
Wait.
Let me try the emergency override.
Oh wait.
The elevator is coming.
Oh my god. They're coming.
Oh, they're opening now.
Holy fucking shit.
It seems like in this hallway, the light has died, and now it's time...
Come on! Come on!
...to become the beast.
They're beatin' my ass!
I'm back to where I was yelling about.
I just quit chipping beast mode.
Well, time to go.
I've been seen out of control.
What the hell is this place?
It's a research facility where the Baron conducts his experiments.
And I was one of the test subjects.
You were the main test subject.
What's going on?
Someone doesn't want you to get away.
Thank God for subtitles. I would have never heard that shit.
Shit! Then I got ditched.
No, not ditch. Ditch. Ditch.
No, I'm so vascular. Do you guys see that?
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Look at a ledge and jump toward it.
Guys, we're about to have a DSP moment. Hang on.
I can't fucking see.
I don't think I should be using that.
Bro, I actually cannot see.
Uh, gamer.
There we go.
So, can I just like climb walls in this game or what?
up I've only got one life to live
I got a parkour
you are the beast I'm Jimmy Beast
need yellow paint the yellow paint right there that's where I gotta go
I understand now.
Use the mask while hanging and turn around on a ledge.
Holy fuck, that was a terrible jump.
Oh, can we get over there?
They call me Park Ordnance.
No they don't, no they do, they do, they do call me that.
Guys, I can't believe we made it out.
Guys, I can't believe we made it out.
Aw, shit.
Oh my god!
Slice.
Also, I said restored island, okay, so I was technically right.
the italics below it get owned the island no no no no no no looking
exceptionally bald say how we do know the two payboys hey let me see
We're at the top of that.
There's neither the hair nor the expertise required to execute such a follicle maneuver.
Oh, it's kind of nice out here.
Tell me what you see.
Trees, a trail, mountains. Where the hell am I?
You're in the mountains.
Castor Woods. A small town in the western alps.
Oh, that's nice.
Are you shitting me, Europe?
I explain everything. But right now, you need to get to safety.
The infected are everywhere.
So where do I go?
Downhill. Follow the trail.
When you reach the edge of the forest, you'll see an old monastery.
I'll meet you there
Roger will go who are you why are you helping me? That's Olivia. Hello? Hello?
Great
Oh my god
I'm starting to think that this land needs to be restored.
Now remember, it's part of that.
Every action counts.
Loot.
Lootable only once.
Why didn't I slide?
What the heck?
Wait, wait, wait, E3 camera?
Hold on.
Wait wait wait E3 camera hold on
And focus up use your use your plumber
Yeah, I want that shovel.
Yes.
Oh.
Oh yeah, buddy.
Take the chips on the ground.
Oh, look at that.
Caster Woods Nature Reserve.
I've been here before.
All right, Twitch, I'll listen up. It's the zombie apocalypse, but your compulsion is to bury everybody you've come across.
How long do you survive?
I
Guess not even a zombie is a Skellington
Yes, I think we can jump off here
Oh, so you guys think I should up the FOV? Maybe? It seems fine.
Let us see...
F-Piss Limiter? Nay.
Uh, Field of View 57? Hmm...
It was optimized for the default FOV setting of 57, maybe negatively impact performance
and cause unwanted animation artifacts to appear? Hmm...
No one tells me what I want. No one.
Optimized for 57? Well it's not 57 in like the traditional sense though.
You guys are like applying like some sort of like standard measurement to FOB and that's just not how fucking works because in different engines it like it literally it is actually different.
I think I go 60.
It's like this 60 above me right here feels like 95 to me in like source cages stuff.
Do you know what I am saying?
It looks super tunnel vision to you.
Oh no man, maybe you should go to the doctor.
It's super tunnel vision to me. It has like those big, goofy ass glasses.
It plays Minecraft on the Quake Pro FOV non-stop.
Has an additional FOV modified for it to get stretched out even further. This looks kind of narrow to me
Do we park or
I'm paranoid about there being secret loot the land has been restored 59 vertical FOV is 90 horizontal FOV
Wait, so it is standardized? Really? We got to eat food. I thought it was
different depending on the game. I was wrong. I'm done. But now, here's my
impression of if I've been streaming for seven years. Actually, if you think about it, there
are actually very minor differences in video games used by different companies. If you really
you look closer. 90 of a B in say, a sword in their hand is fundamentally
different from the 90 of a B in a Dying Lake. So you're wrong. Also, you're bad bud.
Your voice isn't deep enough.
Fuck, I don't remember which one it is.
Um, hello.
So, recently in, uh, in chat we were having a discussion on the nature of FOV.
Uh, and how it differs between gimmicks.
All right, which way we going in fellas should I go to the mark? Oh, hey guys
Bring it on said
No
They realize they can lose
Hello
I'm sorry I had to look at something on my second monitor real quick, unrelatedly.
Did you know that the Restored Land Edition launched on March 26th, that's today.
Alongside with a free 1.6 update to the base game, Update 1.6 transforms dying light the
beast into a hardcore, permanent survival sandbox where the world no longer resets and every
decision has lasting consequences.
is. And that's the mode that I play. Which I unironically think is kind of sweet. But
I never played the base game, so. Well, let's go to the monastery, shall we? Open up.
I need to find another way in.
Brick!
Hero, thanks for something.
Yep, that's some scrap-a-roo, baby.
Does this game have a battle pass, and what are the skins like?
You get a survivalist skin for completing the game on the one-light bone.
For our give, I'm gonna give an F4 looking for a head loot, boys.
I don't think there's any head loot over here, boys.
Go away.
Hey!
Oh no.
Ew, I can see his brain.
Ew.
That's the woes.
You know what I like? No durability on weapons, I think.
I like when you STF you.
Okay.
Hello!
Hey, you mind opening that ship for me, dog?
Idiot.
But can we wall jump, dude?
Did we watch Moonplay Dying Light 2 when I came out 2 or not?
I forgot.
I did play that.
I remember it vaguely.
I remember looting a lot of cars in that one.
How do we get up there?
You know, I bet I could have opened that gate and I just didn't see the prompt, because
I'm an idiot.
Oh my god, we can parkour!
What the heck is...
That's like a major part of the game.
Yeah, I'm thinking I'm gonna climb.
Oh, maybe.
Hmm, maybe we gotta go around.
Yup, use up me while grabbing a ledge to climb up.
I was jumping.
God bless you, Devcom.
Thank you so much.
We got that? I don't think so.
Yo, where are we dropping, actually?
Erm...
Oh, we gotta go up.
Ow!
I tried to jump around the corner
Dude imagine playing a game like this, but it's like the year 2002 think about that
Can you imagine literally just bringing this home and it looks exactly like this?
Wouldn't that be nutso mode?
Yeah, how are we getting up there?
Oh actually
Hey do you copy hello?
Have you reached the monastery? Yeah
Okay, good. I'm on my way in the meantime try to get the generator up and running generator
We need to get the power on and secure the building
Time for a dissonant guitar twang to really set the tone.
Hmm, feeling a bit hopeless, Crane?
Feeling a bit lost?
Not even in this place of God will you be safe.
No sucker for the weak!
Generator.
They're mine.
Save zone is protecting from the impact.
Wait, that is the save zone.
I kind of want to use my fist.
Wait, I do have the weapon turbo.
Hey, stop beating that guy.
Isn't there a way to throw my weapon?
Nice one there.
It's high up.
Replace a repaired in the inventory.
Yo, we got some ass porphy.
It's a skill?
Oh my god, we've got a skill tree, mate.
Hmm.
Two repairs remain.
It seems like a waste.
Oh, man.
turn it on
way to do you read the manual
sorry sir
no entry
And no soliciting.
Yeah, maybe we do up the FOV a little bit more.
Maybe that chatter was right.
Maybe I'm a quick pro.
BAM BAM BAM BAM
That looks good.
What do you guys say?
Any FOB experts?
Too much?
You wanna see too much?
Oh
Why are we gonna execute that guy?
I'm an expert you need to set it to six seven
beam well memed muster we got to kill all of the infected but first I'm going
to the roof.
Hey, we blew a skull up.
What up, fella?
How do I equip my hands?
There we go.
Don't forget sometimes fighting without a weapon is more wise because this is the dying
light, the restored land, the beast.
Resources are finite.
Can we ring the bell?
Oh man.
I got a kick.
I'm gonna do a jump kick.
Oh man.
What is this game coming out? It's already out, you dope.
Should we try jumping?
What have we got stuck up here?
Wait, how do I actually get down?
I didn't turn on the friggin... the friggin lights.
Dog, this is a parkour game.
Yeah, but you think if I jump right here, I can get through the...
It seems like a long way to drop the...
Yeah?
You almost made it try again dude, how do we get how do we get friggin down from here
Right
Hey, maybe we get up from here
Don't do it you've got so much to live for
I wish I could flip them off.
That would have been hardcore if I flipped them off right there.
I would have been like, frick you.
Oh God.
Oh, I'm very hungry.
How about some chippies?
How about some more chippies?
And I'm not sure what this is.
It looks like prime energy.
Are they at a survival mode or something?
Oh, you must be inquiring about the dying light, the beast.
Restored land update that just released today, in which all resources are finite.
Where are the lights at?
Every zombie you kill stays dead forever.
Crane here, do you copy?
Is the site secure?
Kinda.
Yeah.
I'm almost there.
I'll meet you at the top of the tower.
It's a setup boys.
We're about to get catfish bro.
Feels fucking bad man.
kill him kill him
Oh
Dude look at his cool. Eye we're prisoner too more like slave labor
But I wasn't there as one of you
I can't imagine what you've been through at least now you're free
Not yet. Until that fucker pays for what he did to me, all the years he took from me, all the agony he put me through.
You're in revenge.
Damn right I do!
But you're in no condition to go after him. And even if you could, you can't take him on alone.
The Baron controls the entire valley. He has... an army.
And I'll kill every fucking one of them if I have to.
All right then. I'll help you get your revenge. And you get me out of this place.
But first you need to get your health back and I can help you with that you got bandages
You need meds to rebuild your stamina then you'll need equipment supplies and allies
Well, I'm sure that assholes made plenty of enemies
Let's find them not until you get your strength back
And for that we need to find GSB. What's that? It's a bio catalyst that improves performance
We created it in the lab. What's wrong?
Let me go back into that lab.
Of course not.
We can harvest it from the monsters the Baron created.
He was testing some in the wild, including one right near here.
So what do you think the twist is with her character?
That Kyle should be a camera.
How do we get to the, what did you call it?
GSB, think of it as an energy booster.
And how do we get this booster out of it?
you're going to kill it. Once you do, I'll extract it using a special device that filters
it from the blood. And this is going to make me stronger. Boosters circulate in your blood
and make them stronger. They should do the same for you. Should? All right, but one step
at a time. First we'll take it down and then we'll see. Right. She's probably
Yeah, that's a good twist, actually. She pisses in the sink.
I can't wait to get this GHB.
It's time to rumble, flesh-bag.
Oh, yeah.
Now.
Now.
of
Oh, dude, we got baited.
What is the accident?
Oh, the guy.
Uh-oh!
How do you best that?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
How do you miss that?
NOOOO!
I
I guess it's a good idea that we just went, uh, literally beast-bowled.
To Olivia I took it down
I'm getting extra vascular right now.
Wow.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Pass Killer, good work.
Thanks.
Thank you for injecting the GHB.
Uh.
Wait. That's Olivia, guys.
Yeah! Yeah! Calls the police.
I thought I'd lost you
What the hell happened that last fight spiked your adrenaline when it dropped so did your heart rate
So I had to inject you with GSB. What you would have died otherwise. So you just decided to save your life
Yes, fine. I do feel better
It boosted your immune system and sped up healing
Every chimera has a different GSB. So each one will boost you in a different way
What do you mean each camera has a different form of GSB each variant of GSB alters the
camera's genetic structure in a unique way so I need to hunt down more of them yes each
variant will affect you differently how's the hair look about my boys faster and more
resilient but GSB hasn't been used on someone like you so it'll know what the long term
I have a sense.
Let's focus on finding allies.
Isn't GSB what they put in Chinese food? No, no, no, no.
You think you have HRT?
Unlock a new Jimmy B skill.
Let's see what we got.
Um...
Killing the Reaper grants you one Jimmy B's point.
Overcharge Smash skill and hold.
I can't bear to grisly if it's a beast, but at some point I'll be able to control it.
Yeah, but I wanted to learn like a cool parkour skill.
I don't give a frick about the silly giga mode.
We got some drinks, we got some energy bars, dude.
We got some freaking...
We got some freaking worn shirts.
I can't read that comment.
Let me double check actually.
Nope, can't read that one out loud.
Yoink!
Oh, I learned how to make gun.
I like when games do this kind of looting system where it's like they're not highlighted.
They're just kind of like laying in the world.
I think that's cool.
Very immersive.
Rescue.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
We had a survivor since.
Oh yeah, we got... I forgot we had a survivor sense.
See, but if you'd never reminded me of that, then I would have never remembered to use it,
which meant that it would have been immersive.
Already stole your stuff.
manual pages. It's crafting time. Upgrading arms improves their efficiency. Cover or bandage
blueprint and press C to upgrade it. Healing applied, 200. I love crafting systems man.
system are my favorite in every video game I've ever played. It gives you so much agency, dude.
Upgrade and crafting require materials you can find by looting enemies and exploring dark zones.
Don't forget... wait how do I make this? Okay we need five feathers and eight wiring.
Hmm, we can make some lock, lock pickerino's, I think we do that, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Understood you can then take what you find and craft it into weapons or tools that might just save your life
Got blow my nose dude, you're not done. I'm ready. I
Became a monster again when I fought that camera
Something came over me turned into something. I don't know a monster
life-threatening situation a survival response
High levels of cortisol trigger the transformation at the cellular level
In that state you're nearly unstoppable
I saw that before in the lab we cortisol spike. It's a temporary condition. I lose who I am when it happens
I think your character is low T.
What I am now yeah half human half monster you at least look at me while we're talking
sorry Kyle I don't know if there's a way back and if you want to take on the baron this
this is what you need to do how many different chimeras are there I'm not exactly certain
this one was the first the baron created
Silence.
Travago guy teeth and chat says why young trying to speak zoomer.
First of all excellent name second of all.
All of you know zoomer stole my vernacular.
Okay.
Haven't you ever heard of broccoli head in the wild say chat is this real or chat this chat that chats my word.
That's just my word.
What can you tell me about the bearing?
His name is Marius Fisher.
He's a narcissistic sociopath, but also kind of a genius
Before they outbreak his family owned a biotechnology company a big one
And he's using it to turn the virus into something even more dangerous
Why?
However, whoever controls the virus controls the future. He's experimenting on humans like their lab rats
Now tell me about it
Just know you're not the only one
He's kidnapped hundreds.
Yeah, we saw some of them.
far from here there might be some survivors there also I notice some smoke could be a campfire
probably worth a look I'll mark it on your map take this device use it only when you encounter a
new chimera extracting a booster from the same variant is a waste of time explain why many
every new strain will make you stronger and enhance your abilities but it's up to you
stop when you feel strong enough okay it extracts two samples a clean bluster
injection for you and a blood sample for me by studying those strains I hope to
discover what makes each variant unique and what the Baron is trying to achieve
Alright, guess we're done talking. Kinda rude, not gonna lie.
My freaking lead bold.
Reiss fault damage and keep your momentum.
That's awesome.
We're probably gonna grab that.
Oh, we can get the drop kick though, dude.
Yeah, we're gonna get the drop kick.
point sped. Life after life. I can't use weapons here. This is a house of God. What's the purpose
this room. Do you think Gogg is disappointed that we spilled blood in his holy sanctuary?
Oh, we still got zombies out back
Child zombie detected
Where's my dog kick
Come up here if you dare!
What the hell was that?
I
Line them up
I guess big a big boy
Okay
Yeah, we're kind of a low-low-g.
What the hell?
Oh, yeah, man.
Oh, yeah!
Plus one rag, baby.
What the hell?
I
Who old world buddy
What do you guys think we can use that on
Alimony? Now that is a good idea.
Checks map real quick for this icon I just saw? There might.
What's up, XU?
How do you miss that?
You dead?
He dead?
Yeah, he did.
Come here, fatso.
There's got more HP than the other ones, because he's so bad.
He had more loot too, yeah.
Oh, he just opened.
I don't know why, but I assume those gates were unmovable.
Is this guy even online, or is this recorded?
There's actual zombies in this game?
Nice.
A fave.
A lot of the zombies, I killed their corpse already disappeared.
I was hoping to loot them later.
Did I just search the gas tank?
They leave bags? Ooh.
What do they look like?
like bags you think bags have one uniform of parents
of the I think I don't think they love anything
Find a position for the upper pick by moving on the mouse and test using edge.
Got it!
I mean...
Survivor's Sets
Old World Wine Legendary Value.
Mmm, Blood Sausage.
Hey, more wine.
You got to remember about the focus sense.
The focus M sense.
I don't want to repair this yet.
We get that fat dude off screen. It's distracted wait, which one?
Rob's here? Hey, where'd the third guy go?
Weird?
Stop getting up, man. It's embarrassing.
If you start beefing me, I'm gonna go beast mode!
Whoa, what?
You're freaking game to read me.
hammer time baby. We love looting. I can craft a new item. Oh, I took that guy's Rolex.
Probably healed.
Yo.
Oh.
Dude.
I think I just need to respect them.
I'm not respected
He threw your weapon I think you can but I think I actually skipped the tutorial that tells me how to do
P3 Cam?
Wow.
And plus F.
Dude, imagine again, you get home after a 13 hour shift, dude, you're still in Univore.
Up on the new dinelab, the X-Mars pro.
Ah!
Oh!
Okay!
What the hell?
Yeah.
Survival.
Riddings, boy.
That killed her.
That was awesome.
Bro, I need like a regular flashlight. I think I got one actually just uh...
I may have forgotten how to use it.
It's not T. It's T as it's T.
Activate survivor since
Rags acquired
They were back in the torch
Should we go to the village
Sorry, I had to sip a bit of my joe.
Do you guys think we can do like a falling attack?
You can do a horizontal and vertical wall run by jumping onto a vertical surface.
What up?
Oh, he's got armor on this pool.
Can armor protect you from that pool?
Mayday! Mayday!
We're under attack at the town hall!
Something is trying to get in and we can't...
Okay, what?
Can you hear that?
The town hall.
It's in the city center.
Sounds like there are survivors there.
I just hope I can get there in time.
Look.
We actually have to scavenge for more food.
Heh heh.
of
Okay, that was epic. Thank you. Yeah, we do it. We don't
You know how Shroud is like the king of reddit and like FPS games?
I consider myself like, I'm a cinematic gamer, you know what I mean?
So like, I've practiced the E3 term a lot in my spare time.
Like most people use aim laps.
like but I like tell me if tell me if I'm tracking at the guys
they're literally right behind me are they
Did that take long to practice?
I actually practiced for several hours a night.
I try to get the most cinematic...
Uh, big.
Oh, we're out of weapon.
But that's okay.
Jesus.
I don't need weapons when you've got hands.
Ooh!
Oh, he runnin'!
Ah!
All right, man.
You can't do the beds.
So...
That just happened.
watch your step
one
I can't hear you scream, the mic cuts off the second, the volume spike, the sudden volume spike?
Bro, I'm telling you guys right now, I actually spent the last year and a half of people complaining that my mic is peaking in the moment that I fixed that dude.
People are complaining that it's not peaking. You can't make this shit up. You actually cannot make this shit up.
Fuck yourself. How about that?
We got them things hanging out.
The big boy.
What the?
Something like this more than one person in chat?
Dude, shut up.
Also, stop lying.
I
Gotta get to town
Yeah, we could repair our weapon.
I kicked that guy's foot off.
That just happened.
When are we going to get to pick the zombie up ability?
Wait, the light's on.
What up fellas?
There's so many.
Hi.
What up fellas? They're so many. Hi.
How come you guys are just standing still?
Hey, pre-XB, baby?
Oh no.
That's...
YIKES!
What the hell is Town Hall?
It's kind of far away.
Now maybe we repair some of our busted ass weapons, dude.
All right, but that's all I'm doing
Are you holding up?
Oh no.
No way.
Oh
Do not dodge off of the air
Yo, y'all trippin' or what?
He's gettin' a little spooky out here, fellas.
The light is dead.
We're pretty RSA versus those in power, blah, blah, blah, dude.
It's just vandalism.
Okay, go in there.
I wonder what our character needs to sleep.
Graffiti.
Wait.
Hold up.
That just happened. This is me doing the A3 thing, but like, am I a little bit cooler?
So I kind of like lowered my voice a little bit. Let's look for some loot. Shall we? Watch
Watch your step.
Oh shit.
Okay, watch your step.
For real this time.
Ahhhh!
Hey man, so how are you gonna get up here?
He's just gonna look pussy.
It's go time.
Oh, I got bonus XP for killing them at night.
Neat.
Prime break.
Mmm, so good.
I'm kind of freaking scared.
Do you think we can grow our own food at like a farm?
Wouldn't that be tight?
Unknown location detected.
The beast doesn't farm?
True.
He kills.
People
See oh my god, it looked like she got cut in half by the roof
What up guys
How we get in here
7H Tripp.
How do we get in there?
It's a form- a Formasi.
What are you doing?
Hey!
What are you doing?
Hey!
Now, in case you're wondering, we're playing the new game mode, TM.
We're killing every zombie matters.
Now my experience dying light heads in chatterfire like, dude why is he killing all these
zombies?
Guess what?
You kill it?
on forever dude. Wait I just saw like a red guy. I think he was in this building.
Can we jump these guys?
There's one in the pharmacy!
I didn't even work it.
Oh
I got moved!
You guys baited me!
Sorry, we can skip the intro.
Oh no, that's fine. We're just gonna...
We can continue without permanent help.
You baited me! Dude, I literally dropped behind him and I was gonna fucking execute him, dude.
Welp.
I guess that just means well, well, well, well.
I will never trust any of you ever again.
Change title?
I will!
Yep, and you know I had to hit you with that one.
I think, uh, I think when we're running away from those things, we have to do it in a way
that design could running in a straight line.
Unfortunately, the, the random direction I picked was very out in the open.
We're seeing silvers five seconds.
I couldn't move!
Alright.
I guess you could say the light inside is dead.
Dang it.
Wait, regular zombie detected.
He's looking kind of majestic.
I wish I had gotten that, uh,
bolt and reduced damage thing.
Hey, where the hell am I?
Oh my god.
You think they care about my flashlight?
I don't think so.
So he's folded, dude.
Zombie hit it like this.
Yeah, they got patrol... routes.
What's up, man?
What's up, man?
You next.
I heard the clicking Oh, well did you come from
You think there are headshots. I'm pretty sure there are. I mean, yeah. Yeah, we splitter skull in hand. That's gross
Well, this is not where I need to go, we're going into the coal mine right now.
Okay. Okay.
Is it?
The flashlight does trigger them.
Oh my god. I was right.
Black Light'em?
What'd that do?
It's not working.
There is simply no way.
Why did he go up?
We are going to take that.
Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Uhhh...
Ay, ay, ay, ay...
You beat him?
Dude, I was hitting one, I don't know if it's because I'm crouched, but it wouldn't pull it out.
Ugh.
where I say get lost in this place open
where the wait we just we just sleep wait it costs hunger
all the single furries all single furries all single furries
They're sure having trouble except we're going to stay on the ground.
I was trying to sneak into the town so I could get on the rooftop, but that guy took a round
I did not expect.
I assumed he was going to turn around.
You get a giga XP bonus if you survive the whole night without dying?
Wait.
Am I a freakin' loser?
The village.
You think there's a Dweemer ruin around here?
I'm trying to learn a shout.
Who's that good Elder Scrolls reference, guys?
What up, fellas?
Sorry, I'm a lady.
Where was my jump kit?
Ouch!
I think they can come out of here.
Am I gonna 100% crimson desert after this?
I've never heard of that game, but you know what I have heard of?
The Prolific Dying Light series, and in particular, Dying Light the Beast, the game that I'm playing
right now.
You should check it out.
It's 20 to 25% off.
All I want to do is kill, so I'm gonna kill.
Where'd that go?
Is it 20 or 25% off?
I don't know.
I guess we'll just have to go find out.
Make sure you use the link below.
He just googled it, is that okay?
Close that tab.
Start over.
The bottom of the screen.
So the zombie was here, the big one, and then he turned like this, and I was like, oh, he's
gonna walk backwards.
Nah, you know what this guy did?
He went.
I think I'm going to climb that rock right there.
Show the main hole cover again.
Whoa!
Artistic nudity.
We have run at least 10,000 meters, guys.
Shlumps.
Plays a monkey next for 666.
Oh yeah, take that.
I gotta remember where you next have it, guys.
Okay
Oh
Hey hold on. I gotta reach it
That's all that screaming
Oh
Wall runs
Loots
I can see your brain.
Unpower.
Alright, we get power.
Let's be real guys, would you guys kill all of these zombies if you were playing?
Damn.
Put all the GRAMMIT!
Wait, where am I supposed to go?
Ow!
Okay.
Power attacks cannot be blocked.
How do you rest that, mate?
My hands are covered in blood.
All I crave is death.
Oh, I can't repair my shovel anymore.
Where was the jump kick?
Dude, I just keep running into more zombies!
I better not use my weapons through ability or I'm about to get real mad at myself.
That
Was
Remember, in Techlands, the Dying Light, the Beast, the Restored Land, Lute, Finite,
Zombie by Night.
Stamina by Night.
Blood currency.
How's that not kicking?
Wall jumps?
So you're out.
You alive?
I can't leave this one.
imagine imagine you could wall jump like that there's got to be another way
like so
hold up
Can you grab it, buddy?
Wait.
Can you climb that mountain?
I bet you can.
Maybe.
Mayhaps. Mayhaps you can, brother.
Let's go to the farms.
I jumped on him.
We got to be careful with our durability.
Weapons can only be repaired a certain number of times.
happening. Very good buddy. I think we've already been in here. Y'all want some rice?
Parenthesis zombie apocalypse. You're not been in here.
So...
What the freak is the pharmacy? We can even distract it.
It's killing time!
After a Logan Paul Prime energy
Nice damn
Hey watch this
I didn't know I was gonna get caught on that
Holy moly
So like I jewelry deep
Fine now.
Checks map.
Going away from the pharmacy.
What's up?
What is this?
He's out, he's out, he's out.
Shoves you?
Man, it's hard in here.
I made him into a Nugget.
You all need some ass porphyb?
Hmm.
Beginner manual pages plus two.
Now if I recall correctly, that permits us the ability to upgrade some of our stuff.
At everyone's favorite, the crafting table.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yup.
What's up?
Ew!
Wait, he won, though. Good job.
You won the fight.
Finish the fight.
But I need dabs lately. Hell no! Boom! Resistance booster common blueprint.
We about to break this. Nope.
What the heck is an oxidizer fellas? Anyone familiar with Skiants?
Nothing. I wish I could pick up their heads.
of
the
the
the
the church
There it is the church
There it is the peaceful villagers of this miscellaneous Alps town
There it is the light and if you've been paying attention
It's been dying and soon
Uh, I mean that's it.
Honestly, not bad.
DBH.
Real unfiltered opinion.
Not bad.
Segment over.
Boom.
You just fought zombies?
Yeah, and that's all I wanted to freaking do.
I don't want to hear people talk.
Not bad.
Unfiltered opinion on crafting.
Um...
I don't like it.
I don't like...
But that's like a historic thing that's not like a this game thing.
It's every game with a crafting system pretty much.
Pretty much.
for dying light the beast restored land I've got some pedophiles to kill in ready or not so
boom buh buh buh buh buh buh shh
you're gonna play the new life is strange is it out
It's probably gay.
Yeah, they're a little gay.
They did come out today.
I'm looking at it right now.
Nah, I'm good.
I want to shoot some better files.
I'm good.
good.
Real unfiltered opinion. I think, I mean, obviously we only played for two hours, but
punching zombie is fun. Traversing is fun.
I did not care for my character, but I'm not like particularly attached.
So like story wise, I don't know if it's good, but it's all right.
Traversing is fun, but didn't parkour at all.
I was trying to at the end, but like I just don't know how to do it, but like apparently
you can like wall run and shit and like grab ledges.
Like if you know what to look for, it's probably way easier.
dude, bro, you think you think I want to spend 80 bucks on on a six out of 10 sandbox fantasy
game? You're insane, bro. Okay. And you're it. Pirate it. Okay, even if I pirated it,
dude, I think I would fall asleep playing it. If I'm being honest, please OSRS, by
the way yep one of the greatest if not the greatest games ever made you spent
250 bucks on WWE dude look okay if you like crimson desert fucking rip that
shit dude get it bro do it you got it
I won't be doing that.
I won't be doing that.
Alright.
Ready or not. Ready or not. Here I come.
You can't hide no Jesus simulator fuck dude, the Jesus simulator did come out man maybe
Do we send Jesus Simulator real quick?
I played through the entire game and overall it was just okay.
There's heavy use of AI throughout.
Especially in the voice acting, it's not inherently bad, but it can feel often times.
For example, portrayals like Surfer Jesus or Southern Jesus don't always match the
character well. Another issue I had was the narration at times Jesus quotes the
Bible which feels anachronistic it would make sense more sense to phrase it as
something like as prophecy more told says the Bible as we know it hadn't
been compiled yet. Jesus quotes the Bible on these motherfuckers dude.
Yeah, we're gonna play Jesus simulator first.
Good idea.
I was meaning to do this, but I forgot.
Now, enlighten atheists before you leave, okay?
It's okay to look
at depictions of Jesus me when I'm an atheist neck beard and the word Jesus has said my my
neck beard bristles up like a porcupine I saw a screenshot for this game of Jesus is
getting whipped on the cross. So that'll be cool.
Me me me me me me me me me me.
stop stalling I'm not stalling I'm updating dude
hold on hold on
one
KJ erotic's first seven break. Yeah, I'm gonna get some coffee real quick and then we're gonna rip some Jesus simulators
Oh, is that word up? Oops. I
Close the wrong tab
I will play some some
Some tunes
I
Have you know that I wouldn't have died during that sponsor if you guys hadn't convinced me to try and sneak attack that monster
That fucking beat the fuck out of me and killed me
You were literally ruined my perfect lot we're back
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
you
What up fellas I got my customary five guys burger
You guys ready to learn about Jesus
Oh boy.
you fucking ready you ready to go on this adventure with me guys
It's time.
Just on a true story, boys.
When Elizabeth's baby had grown inside her for nearly six months, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth.
Nazareth was a town in Galilee.
Gabriel went there to visit a young woman. Her name was Mary.
had never had sex with anyone she had promised to marry a man called Joseph
he belonged to the family of king david
you're finally awake
Lord, thank you for this day. Thank you for everything you give us. Bless this day. I
I need to bring water from the spring.
Where is it?
You've played this before, no?
No.
got it. Yeah, we're going home and cook food. Yeah, we played IM Jesus Price. I don't think
that game ever got finished unsurprisingly. Yeah, we're kind of static, dude.
Wait, what?
Smells like bread.
Did you bake again today?
Yes, with cumin. I thought it might help you feel better after your work.
Thank you. You always think of what's needed.
Damn, we're gonna marry backside, dude.
It's just bread. Nothing much.
But made with care, that means a lot.
Did you eat anything yourself?
No.
A little. I saved some for you and father.
You don't always have to think of us first.
Isn't it a joy to serve the family? We don't live for ourselves.
That's true. You must love other people as much as you love yourself.
Hey, why are they preaching to each other, man?
You remember the scriptures better than I do.
and
all
the bread is soft
like on a feast day
even without honey it tastes good
you've worked all day
it's a small thanks
you are a blessing Mary
Well, time to clean up.
I found him.
God has chosen you for a great mission.
A mission?
I am just a simple girl from Nazareth.
No!
You will conceive in your womb and give birth to a son.
His name will be Jesus.
He will be the son of the Most High.
How is this possible? I have not known a man.
The Holy Spirit will come upon you.
The power of the Most High will overshadow you.
Therefore the holy one to be born will be called the son of God
And behold your relative Elizabeth though she was called Baron has also conceived a son in her old age
She is in her sixth month for with God
Nothing shall be impossible
Why is he telling us her business if she was chosen?
Then I too can trust God.
Behold, the servant of the Lord, let it be to me according to your word.
Blessed are you among women.
Peace be with you, Mary.
Thank you.
Thank you, Gabriel.
This is how Jesus Christ was born.
His mother's name was Mary.
She had promised to marry a man called Joseph.
Then she discovered that she was pregnant.
What?
This happened before they started to live together.
It was the Holy Spirit that caused this to happen to her.
Joseph was a good man.
He wanted to do what was right.
He did not want Mary to become ashamed in front of people, so he decided to stop their
marriage secretly.
Yeah, look at Mary's right ring finger.
Chatter just noticed that.
That's huge, bro.
Uh-oh.
What's happening?
I can't I can't hit the down one by the way it's not working unless there's a
different button for me to use. Well let's make a chair dude I hope one day
My son Jesus Christ also becomes a carpenter, dude
That would be lit
Yeah
I'm just spamming I think
Speedrun strat?
Yeah, we really are late to even a chair.
That's a stool.
One hand gaming?
Yeah.
Dude, I'm mashing spaces just not registering sometimes.
Mary, she is expecting a child, but I know we have not been together.
What should I do?
Perhaps I should send her away quietly.
How tired I am today.
Yo, Joseph Plotton, dude!
Robb's view?
I need to catch someone before they leave.
I can't run oh I'm so late tired he's drifting holy fuck dude he was hidden
that shit on God he was dude Mary says mountains that's a good question
I live in the wrong house.
Sleep time.
Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife for what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit
Cocked by God
Omega Wolf
How is this possible?
Explain it to me
She will give birth to a son and you will name him Jesus for he will save his people from their sins
Okay
Why must I be the one to give him his name?
This is to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet
Behold, the virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call his name
Emmanuel, which means God with us.
Who's Emmanuel?
Is Jesus like his middle name?
If this is the will of the Lord, I will do as you say.
Rise, Joseph, and take Mary into your home.
Care for her and for the child, until all that the Lord has appointed is fulfilled.
I want to say his name was Hank.
I will carry out what has been entrusted to me.
Dude, he's coming.
at that time Caesar Augustus made a law he told his men to count everyone who
lived in the countries that he ruled this was the first time that the Romans had
made a list of everyone's close census guys Quirinius was the Roman ruler of
Syria when it happened everyone went to his own hometown for the Romans to count
them so Joseph went to his hometown Bethlehem he was living in the town of
Nazareth in Galilee Bethlehem was in Judea King David had been born there so
Bethlehem was called the town of David that's his son
belong to the family David that is why he went to Bethlehem do the Bible's just
all pronouns man capital D David capital G Galilee capital Q
Quirinius dude this is a fucking Dark Souls game
They you married proper down whatever dude whatever man whatever proper down whatever
to you. Hurry up. Guys, I think I know where we have to go. We're going to go to the barn.
I'm gonna hang out with the boys first though.
Yo, what's good?
Yo!
Man, you might find a place to write man, I got to chill.
You gotta fuckin' be me now, man!
I
Know where the barn is I got to turn this music down. Holy fuck
What a Lazarus why are there so many people a
Question there's a census everyone must come to their ancestral town. So the crowds have gathered
Because no one wants to quarrel with the Roman tax collectors.
Oh, Jesus hates taxes, by the way.
That's one base thing about Jesus.
Seems the whole house of David is so large, we'd better get used to the crowds.
Maybe people are simply hoping the bread tastes better in Bethlehem.
That's a Bethlehem joke, you guys wouldn't get it.
Can I go in here? Nope.
Let's go talk to a Roman soldier, he's like really bigoted.
What are you doing? There's something about you I really don't like for some reason.
Sorry. May I ask you something?
Hmm, yes.
Okay.
Can we stay overnight at your place?
Sorry, the house is full to bursting.
But try the inn down the road.
Maybe you'll have luck there.
Okay.
Thanks for the advice. I'll go there.
Isn't this his, like, town, though? Shouldn't he, like, know?
Yo, Mary, chill.
Wait. Not good. Not good.
Oh, so aren't we like riding donkeys at this point or some shit?
Where my donkey at?
Also, follow-up question.
Good evening.
Well, may I ask you something?
Good evening.
Yes.
Can we stay overnight at your place?
Err.
No rooms, friend.
The census has everyone crowded in.
We're going crazy with all these people.
Thank you. I'll try to find another place.
Um...
How would they know if we never came back for the census?
I'm not gonna prove that shit.
Dude!
Holy fuck! You're gonna get birth on that shit!
This might be the wrong place
Is this the prologue yeah right now we're Joseph dude
This is jesus stepdad This is the full game memory you played the
demo This is not the same game I played before
Is it not?
Dude, I can't believe it. They only ever made one Jesus simulator game. Are you guys serious?
Dude, where the fuck is this in?
I'm getting big Skyrim vibes, dude.
No.
going crazy with all these people. Thank you. I'll try to find another place. It's not
looking good. We probably should have planned for this. I don't know where the end is. This
This guy set up the road. Maybe it's at the end.
Good evening. May I ask you something?
Bro, I gotta stop talking to you guys.
Good evening. Yes.
Can we stay overnight at your place?
No.
Where else do you expect to go, man?
Bethlehem is packed to the brim.
Oh
Thank you for your honesty. Thanks, bro
All right, maybe we keep talking old guys, sorry may I ask you something good evening? Yes
Can we stay overnight at your place?
Sorry, Joseph. We already have guests here for the census. There's no room at all. I understand
Thank you for your honesty you guys are gonna regret it dude my son's kind of the
God of God
He'll probably punish you
You play time Jesus Christ on December 2022 not Jesus simulator right good evening may I ask you something?
Good evening. Yes. Yes, and we stay overnight at your place
No, friend. The census has everyone crowded in. We're going crazy with all these people. Thank you
I'll try to find another place. You help me man
We got a fine day in
It's not up there
Anyone ever been to Bethlehem is this kind of accurate
in terms of topography
No, I am not a US politician. Okay, bro
Let's see you say that to third district Karen Smith from Tennessee. I don't think you got the stones
Okay, bud. Alright. Alright. Alright.
Promising? Just kidding. Dark hole.
Am I just stupid for not knowing where the inn is or what?
It looks like there's a big wall.
I googled Bethlehem and they have a KFC right next to Jesus's birthplace.
As God intended.
Press M for map.
There's no fucking map.
Did I not already speak to a guy named Lazarus?
Common Bethlehem.
The story of Jesus' birth is that they stay in a barn because there's no rooms available
because of the census.
I know that!
Dude, I'm looking like such a bitch in front of Mary right now.
Embarrassing! Oradette, Oradette!
Hold on.
Rain six for something hell no glory. They've so so where do you guys think it is? I mean, maybe it is on the hill here
Or she can't run she's like the the butler from
Wait this guy wasn't here before I swear to God
It's Lazarus 3!
Thanks, bro.
Hurry the fuck up.
That night, some shepherds were living out in the fields near Bethlehem.
They were keeping their sheep safe.
Luke 2-8, I remember that.
Luke, it's these guys.
A star like no other.
gigastar it's a sign of the great king the prophets foretold such a light
which prophets way I'm the white oh might mean the boys dude
Oh, that's tough dude.
What if we found these guys first?
Do you see that?
Do you see that?
Say something wise.
Win in war.
Victory over the supply line equals victory on the front line.
Hmm.
God put a waypoint on Mary, yes.
Thanks God.
Hey, what up can't talk to you yes, chillin word
Hurry up other two wise men we got to go greet the Lord
Did God really cuck Joseph? I mean, what the fuck else do you think happened, mate?
This does not look like any main drive I've ever seen, by the way.
Urnativity.
Welcome. Who are you?
We come bearing gifts.
We have come from afar to worship the King.
Me when I've just given birth, I think I'll stand up ten minutes later and greet some
guests.
May God bless you.
The men went into the house and they saw the child.
He was with Mary, his mother.
They went down on their knees in front of the child and they worshipped him.
Then they opened their bags, they took out valuable gifts and they gave them to the
child.
The gifts were gold, incense called frankincense, and also myrrh.
After that, God said to them in a dream, do not go back to see Herod again.
So the men traveled on a different road to return to their own country.
Alright question, who's Herod too?
How come he's not black, Jesus that is?
After the men had gone away, Joseph had a dream.
In the dream, he saw one of the Lord God's angels.
The angel said to him, Herod will look for the child, so that his soldiers can kill him.
You must get up and take the child and his mother with you.
Go immediately to Egypt.
I will tell you when you can return again.
You must remain there until then."
Herod is the last boss in the Scarlet Monastery Wing?
Oh, true. He drops the axe, dude.
Jesus. The time has come. You must meet John the Baptist at the Jordan River.
His words and the water will prepare the way for your mission.
I'M JESUS!
The moment has come. I must find John.
It's time.
What do you think they're down there?
Wait, where's Mary?
Where's this stupid bitch?
Wait, this is our house.
We gotta make furniture for it.
Hey, Mom.
Mother, do you know where I can find John?
Old.
I don't know for sure, my son.
Ask father. He might know better or the neighbors they often hear about his preaching by the river
Thank you. I'll go to father
Not bad
What up father where can I find John?
I'm not certain, but I've heard he often preaches and baptizes by the river
Ask the neighbors. They know the way more precisely.
Dude, it's a river. Those are very, very, very distinct geographical features, dude. Like,
if I walk in a direction, I will meet the river. Yeah, how come he doesn't know where
a fucking river is he like tear for some
have you seen John where is he now yes he is at the Jordan River where the
water flows fast and people come to confess their sins we all saw him there
yesterday with his disciples go straight to the riverbank he is
expecting you. Yeah, but like, like where is it? Hello?
Dude, boomers had it so fucking easy, man. Let's just sit here in your yard and fucking pound wood.
embarrassing you do that every day yeah must be nice hey give me give me right
of the Jordan River bitch good day are you going to the Jordan River of course
yes I'm heading there with some cargo why do you ask as balls drop three times
May I ride with you in your wagon? I need to reach John the Baptist.
Hmm. All right, hop on. I don't mind, but help a bit with the cargo.
This guy's got an American Southern accent.
I don't mind. Oh, rare.
There he is.
Tom Bombadil.
Behold the Messiah about whom I've spoken. Why have you come to me?
I'm here to dap you up, bro.
I have come to do the will of the Father and to show the way to the people.
He's met the now doodling his mouth.
I know who you are. How can you come to me for baptism when you are without sin?
It is right to fulfill all that God requires.
That river do be flowing.
My path is great and holy. My task is to prepare the hearts of the people for your teaching. Have you come willingly?
Angels told me to come. Yes, my path begins with humility and service to the people.
Let your baptism be a symbol of the beginning of your ministry. May the Holy Spirit come upon you.
Hmm
This is my son and I love him he makes me very happy
Like I'm not birds name was Jesus
Then Jesus returned from the Jordan River
He was full of the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit led him into the wilderness
He stayed there for 40 days and he did not eat anything
thing. During this time, the devil tried to cause Jesus to do wrong things. At the end
of 40 days, Jesus was very hungry.
Luke 4, 1, 2. No way it was written like this. My six-year-old writes like this. Jesus went
into the wood and then Satan tried to do bad things make him do bad things I gotta run 800 meters dude
oh my god no no no i'm good i don't want any you know the dark brotherhood found me dude
If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become bread.
Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.
to go away
if you are the son of God throw yourself down from the pinnacle of the temple
for it is written he will command his angels concerning you
Lest you strike your foot against a stone
Mashes entered to resist the temptation to kill myself you shall not tempt the Lord your God
Okay
Wowza
All these I will give you if you will fall down and worship me
hmm I care not for material possession
away from me Satan for it is written you shall worship the Lord your God and
him only shall you serve Satan's like six seven dude well two days after that
There was a marriage party. It was in the town of Cana in Galilee
Jesus mother was there people had asked Jesus and his disciples to come to the party to
Wait, we already have disciples
They have no more wine. Oh
Shit wait we about to do it dude. Why do you tell me this is not my time yet?
what do whatever he tells you to do who fill the pots with water wait did we
just disrespect our mom there's that weird bitch Mary again with her adult
son who thinks he's God tell me to fill up these fucking pots full of water
God damn it.
That's not wine.
Who invited this bitch?
You guys think I gotta fill more than one?
Yo, where am I putting this?
We sure do, fella.
I'm free.
spells.
Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo.
Insert Moroan casting sound.
What? I paused it. Oh, you guys have it.
Take some of the water from the pots and give it to the master of the party.
This guy won't even look at me when he's talking to me, dude. So fucking humble,
I'm sorry.
Dude, I gotta move it two feet.
I have never tasted better wine in my life.
It's God wine.
Idiot.
Yep, and that's how the miracle of water to wine happened.
Several days after that, Jesus returned to Capernaum.
Here people heard the news that he had come back to his home.
Many people came into the house.
The house was so full that there was no room even outside the door.
Jesus was teaching people about the good news.
Dude, whoever made this, why are they putting like mark 212 in the corner?
Where was this ever written?
This guy rewriting the Bible with like Sora or some shit. Oh
No
All right, these guys are kind of walking a little bit that's tough as hell actually
This guy's trying to do but his hands are attached to the wagon
Reach the Jesus house. Oh
We're gonna heal this crib dude. All right
Glory not wait, I'm not Jesus
I think we can get on it I'm gaining on them
There's a lot of walking in Jesus games I've noticed.
You know, there is a family out there somewhere, like there's a guy who bought this for like
his kid and like made them play.
Like this.
We'll break in.
Why am I playing this anyway?
Because you're a sinner.
your center. Also, kai sanat always says w God. So I'm trying to like figure out like
maybe if I live a godlier life plan, we're actually going to break it. Well, time to
go tell our friends. Hey, what kind of fruit is this?
dango what is a dango dango find a way to get into the house yeah i found a ladder dude yes
but it might seem strange to you and how are we going to do it let's get on the roof take it apart
and lower our friend down there is a broken ladder wait am i jesus right now we'll need some boards
and a rope to fix it. Look for them around here.
I don't think I'm Jesus.
Like, we're here to, like, meet Jesus. We're at the Jesus house.
Also, I picked up those planks and pretty sure it said ladder.
Talk to your friends to get on the roof. Okay.
I dismantled the roof.
That didn't even take me down.
What's happening?
What?
I'm turning.
What?
It's so hard to describe what's happening right now.
The ball has tank controls.
I'm spamming space, by the way.
It is not removing anything.
Oh, oh, oh.
Bro, he's not going to want to talk to you, fuck his house up, man.
So we're going to drop the dude to the living room.
Hey, you're my fucking diaphragm, bitch.
I already got magic
Jesus saw the man and we dropped it
They believed in him
So he said to the man who could not walk walk now my friend. I forgive you for your sins
But some teachers of God's law were sitting there they thought about the words that Jesus had spoken to the man
They thought this man Jesus should not have said that
Speaking as if he is God only God can forgive people for their sins through
You should not think these things. I said to this man who cannot walk. I forgive you for your sins
Instead, I was reading minds stand up pick up your mat and walk
Which of those is easier for me to say but I want you to know this I
I, the Son of Man, have authority on earth to forgive people for their sins.
So he's a power giver.
I am saying to you, stand up, pick up your mat, and go home.
What?
One day, Jesus went up a mountain to pray.
He remained there all night, and he was praying to God.
In the morning, he asked all his disciples to come to him, then he chose 12 of them, and he called them his apostles.
These are their names, Peter, Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James, Simon the Zealot, Judas, son of James, and Judas Iscariot.
I got a bad feeling about that last one.
Jesus teach those people who were ill wanted him to make them well he also
made well those people who had bad spirits all the people were trying to
touch him because he was using great power to make each person well
well I'm gonna drop some knowledge on these mofuckas
Heal.
Heal.
Heal.
Heal.
Heal.
Heal.
Heal.
Heal.
Heal.
Heal.
There's no penalty for missing, by the way.
Hmm Jesus you're my healer I give you all the praise as you should
I wonder if cash that's gonna play some stream I
Might ever say I've never seen these guys playing Bible games like me
You know what I mean?
I can't get it.
God.
Well, who knew healing with the power of God was so difficult, dude?
Ewww.
Thank you Jesus for healing me, all glory to you.
W. Jesus?
You don't look so good John.
The corner ones are so hard to hit.
I'm eating, I'm eating cold soggy fries right now.
What do you guys think about that?
miracle of life no catch-up by the way
thank you Jesus for healing me your all glory to you all right happy are you
people who are poor the kingdom of God belongs to you happy are you people who
are hungry now God will feed you until you're full happier you people who are crying now later you
will laugh people may hate you because you believe in me the son of man they may say bad things against
to you and chase. Why is he saying, Son of Man? Because it's a mistake, right? It's a mistake.
They may say that you are very bad. When that happens, be happy. God will prepare many good
things for you in heaven. So be very happy when people do these bad things to you.
jump up and down because you are so happy their ancestors did the same bad
things to God's prophets long ago
wait who we hating listen you people who are rich you have a comfortable life now
but it will be very bad for you listen you people who are full with food now it
It will be very bad for you and you will be hungry.
Listen you people who are laughing now.
It will be very bad for you.
You will be sad and you will cry.
If people always say good things about you now,
it will be very bad for you.
Their ancestors also said good things
about the false prophets long ago.
What is happening?
Huh?
Yes.
Oh, I see.
It's a freaking puzzle, dude.
I love those.
The path, dear.
I say this to you who are listening carefully to me.
Love the people who want to hurt you.
Do good things to people that hate you.
Say good things to people that say bad things against you.
Pray for people who give you pain.
Someone might hit you on one side of your face.
Then you should let him hit the other side of your face, too. Oh
Someone may take away your coat
If he does do not stop him from taking your shirt, too
When anyone asks you for something
Give it to him
Someone may take something that belongs to you
If he does let him keep it
Do not ask to have it back again
Do the good things for other people that you would want them to do for you.
Do the good things for other people that you would want them to do for you.
Do you only love people who love you?
God will not praise you for doing that.
Even bad people love those people who love them.
Do you only do good things to people that do good things to you?
will not praise you for doing that even bad people do the same thing what do you lend things
only to people who will give your things back to you god will not praise you for doing that let me
hold five bucks shop even bad people lend things to other people when they believe that they
will get them back again we're gonna see things for some but i am telling you to love people
who want to hurt you. Do good things to them. Lend things to people even though you may not
receive your things back again. Then God will prepare good things for you. All right, wrap it up though.
Leave kind even to people who do not say thank you. I'm trying to nail to the cross.
Leave kind even to very bad people. If you live like this, you will show that you really
are children of the powerful god who is overall you should be kind to other people as god your
father is kind lili gave brother such a class of storms full of things for someone happy there's
seven sams and ogre too big for something like jack two oh wowzer
Yeah, that's what I would have did. Yeah, that's what I would have did
Do this month this puzzle would have blown mines
Back in the day bro, I want to see someone from Galilee solve this puzzle. I don't think they can
I don't think they could
Good
give other people and God will forgive you give to other people and God will give
to you he will give to you even more than you gave oh fill your pockets until no
more will go in we're gonna get rich they will be so full that it will come
out over the top my cup overflow with about how you give to other people God
will give in the same way to you oh my god wait this guy sounds awesome
cannot lead another blind person if he does then both of them will fall into a
deep hole a student is not more important than his teacher is but a
student who has learned everything will be like his teacher okay perhaps you
want to tell your friend about his little mistake I love how Jesus is
Australian first remember your own bigger mistakes if you do not do that
You will be like a person who has a big piece of wood in his eye
Then he says to his friend
My friend you have a little piece of dirt in your eye. Let me take it out for you
Do not be like that person
You think you are better than your friend, but you are not
First you must take the big piece of wood out of your eye
After that your eyes will be clear and you will see well
Then you can take the small piece of dirt out of your friend's eye.
Alright, so the moral lesson here is help yourself before you help somebody else.
Got it? Understood?
Another one, nice. Good.
Uh...
Love that.
Wait, where am I even starting?
Me me me me me me me me oh, I know where I'm starting
Dude
Wait, we can go across the bottom here actually it's very very misleading what's happening right now
Oh, there's a fucking wall there! What is happening? Just a black line! Actually, kind of makes
This is easier for me.
Uh, actually hold on.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Yup, there it is. The path.
There it is good trees only make good fruit. Oh bad trees only make bad fruit in
this way you can know if a tree is good or bad you can know this by the fruit
that the tree makes figs and grapes do not grow on thorn bushes all right so
If you are born to a bad person, you are bad.
People are also like that.
A good man keeps good things in his mind.
In his life, he brings those good things out from there.
But a bad man keeps bad things in his mind.
He brings those bad thoughts out from there.
When a person speaks, his words show what is really in his mind.
Apostrophe if you refuse to obey me do not call me master master
Master now that's your fucking noise some people come to me they listen to my message and they obey it
Let me tell you what those people are like
They are like a man who built a house
Dug down in the ground to the rock
He put the first line of stones on the rock after that he built the house on top of the rock
then the storm came and it brought a lot of water the water hit the house but it
could not move it the water could not move the house because the man had built
it very well on the rock why some other people hear my message but they do
not obey it those people are like another man who built a house this man
Did not dig down deep to the rock
Instead he put the first line of stones on the top of the ground. That's it on my balls
Then he built his house on them a
Storm came and it brought a lot of water
Hit that house and it fell down immediately. Oh
water completely destroyed it
Fuck man. So what's the moral here?
Research proper building technique
Before you built fucking hell man.
Is it just like an AI game like trend?
Having like these weird shitty AI puzzles in between like sequences in the game.
Fucking dumb bitch.
I hate this.
I hate puzzle.
Wait, hold on.
Actually, it could be genius.
After Jesus had finished speaking to the people,
he went to Capernaum.
A Roman army officer there had a servant
that he liked very much.
The servant was very ill, and he was dying.
The officer heard about Jesus, so he sent some important Jews
to speak to him.
He said to them, please go to see Jesus.
I would like him to make my servant well.
Ask him if he would come to do that.
Six finger at a hand.
To Jesus.
Yeah, look at the Roman.
Yep.
Anyway, the puzzles between the sermon made sense.
Because
Puzzles make your brain think and Jesus make brain think too
Brilliant
What up boys would you do something to help this Roman officer?
He loves the Jewish people. He himself built a meeting place for us
Jews leader you've come to the right place. So Jesus went with them
Bible colon so Jesus went with the okay thank you Bible you think there's fall
damage in the Bible now but there's sweet parkour
Sir, I do not want to cause any trouble to you.
I'm not good enough for you to come into my house.
That is why I did not come to talk to you myself.
Instead, speak your command.
I know that my servant will then be well again.
In my work, someone has authority over me.
I also have authority over other soldiers.
I say to one soldier go and he goes I say to another one come and he comes nice
Do this and he does it
Nice. I have not found anyone like this man in all of Israel
Nobody else believes in me as much as he does. It was it called Israel back in the day
Keep hands in the praying zone. No.
How do I do that?
There's a dead body right there, dude.
I
The bar has a move at all
I might be the only person who's ever played this so it's possible that no one knows
that this problem exists. You have actually. I have to pray in real life. Oh, dear God,
God, who art in heaven,
Allowed be thy name, thy kingdom come,
I say come, and then he comes,
for a lowering framerate.
The prayer bar is the clearer bar.
What?
I don't know how to lower the frame rate
Pretty hard
I looked at steam db you are the only one playing
someone's got to do it remember remember Mike Rose dirty jobs dude someone's got to do it man
I don't know what to do
that guy's a piece of shit dude maybe you guys should stop your celebrity gossip worship dude
Okay, maybe learn how to separate the art from the artist.
Holder press M1.
My controller's not plugged in.
I'm hitting every button I could pick up.
I don't think you can get past this dude.
I watched a video, you just have to keep it inside and the rape bar will start filling up.
I fucking hate you man.
Lock in.
Dude, it's so sensitive, I'm barely touching the key by the way.
It's not moving, bro.
Cap FPS, how do I do that?
Turn my sensitivity down?
Unfortunately, I don't think there's a sensitivity
Setting for my keyboard.
Alright nobody a control panel let's do this.
Looking for Jesus game?
Nay, Nay.
add one. Jesus simulator. We're gonna set v sync to... Wait, isn't there a way to... If
I turn on v sync, it'll be locked to 40, because that's what my resolution is. So shouldn't
I do 30 FPS. Oh, Max Frameracy, I see. No, do not set it to 1000. Thank you. Applies.
All right, we got we on 60 now boys. I think
Okay, not working. Well, let's let's try it for a second
Tell me if you guys see it fill up
Alt-R to CFK's hop-right corner, Alt plus R. Performance overlay.
I ain't seen shit, fella.
like a skill issue do he did it
Jesus didn't tap. Here's what happens if I hold it down. Right here. Instantly.
like it's not even going up in at all
here's how to fix it i think i need to plug my controller
now that's a fart noise
there ain't no way my controller's gonna work after plugging in after the game
has already launched
To the
Like it's going so fast
Okay
They didn't finish the game? They did! Someone liked the video of someone completing this!
I'm trying to think of like no video settings though.
I lowered the FPS to 60 but I don't think it's actually lower.
I
Swear to God the FPS is not getting lowered
Dog it's bugged just restart dude chug. Okay, we're gonna pause for a second chug
Now I'm gonna talk about something else and then randomly you might hear something like bleach
or something like that which has absolutely nothing to do with you I assure you I gotta
Bleach my keyboard while I turn on adaptive v-sync
How am I supposed to become holy dude, alright
We're gonna alter for and I swear to God do this guy's like dude restart the game
You think this fucking AI slop is going to put me in a place that isn't the beginning of the game
You are fucking insane, dude
You're insane for it for suggesting this
Wait I gotta plug in my controller first.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Just turn the other cheek.
Dude, I want that guy to turn the other cheek.
Into traffic.
And then turn the other one as Jesus said it's not recognized by controller
did. This guy played Jesus simulator on the from like the the PS store.
He downloaded it on his PlayStation.
Let me see if I can plug in my Xbox controller.
One moment.
hold on, why hide canvas to get up and grab a controller?
Nothing rabbit controller do this this guy's actually frothing at the mouth
Perverted style looking to see my fucking farmers truck when I stand up and circle
Go jerk off
Okay, buddy
of
all of
the
All right, I gotta restart.
Hold on.
you
ECHBack Controller plugged in.
You ready?
moment of truth
it works
My controller works.
After Jesus had finished speaking to the people, he went to Capernaum.
A Roman army officer there had a servant that he liked very much.
The servant was very ill and he was dying.
The officer heard about Jesus, so he sent some important Jews to speak to him.
He said to them
I would like him to make my servant well ask him if he would come to do that
The Jewish leaders went to Jesus
Apologize for what tell me tell me why I should apologize
Well, I gotta uncap the FPS now.
and
is this just a bible ad ad disguised as a video game
and you
by was going to bring so much money off of it
Would you do something to help this Roman officer? He loves the Jewish people. He himself built a meeting place for us
Jesus is floating Jesus went with them. Thank you Bible
Me when big Bible prophets, but I might have to restart again
This is me turning by the way, okay
It can't go any higher.
No fucking way.
Use mouse and combo?
Wait.
Why is it still mo-
I do not want to cause any trouble to you I'm not good enough for you to come into my house
that is why I did not come to talk to you myself instead speak your command I know that my servant
will then be well again in my work someone has authority over me i also have authority over
other soldiers wait he's gonna do the line i say to one soldier go and he goes i say to
another one come and he comes i say to my servant do this and he does it i tell you i have not
found anyone like this man in all of Israel.
Nobody else believes in me as much as he does.
This is my basically Jesus be like, yeah, this my boy.
Also Israel Lord drop, dude, potential Israel in the future.
Or perhaps what's that name?
No one knows, dude, it's not fast enough.
What is happening?
Wait, it's slow.
Okay, I know what happened.
So I changed my v-sync, or not my v-sync, my NVIDIA control panel settings after launching
the game.
So it didn't actually apply to them.
Right now it's on 30 FPS and the V-Sync is on adaptive at one half whatever the flux.
So we're gonna give it one more restart actually hold on and I'm gonna set it to 60 and I
think if it's 60 that's literally the perfect speed.
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
Let's see here
Virtual Reality pre-rendered frames are in 1, dude
That's fuckin' awesome
Apply 60 FPS
Nice
Now, wuulta 4
We have 60.
So this is the intended PlayStation store.
Had finished speaking to the people. He went to Capernaum
Experience army officer there had a servant that he liked very much the servant was very ill
It's not gonna work. I am
Look the officer heard about Jesus. So he sent some important Jews to speak to him
He said to them, please go to see Jesus. I would like him to make my servant
Well, ask him if he would come to the
the Jewish leader soldier at six finger fingers yeah I think whoever whoever drew
this accidentally give that guy another finger for some reason that's weird
please would you do something to help this Roman officer he loves the Jewish
people he himself built a meeting place for us thank you Jews leader so Jesus
went with them. Let's ride. It's still really slow. Dude, there's like camera
smoothing on my controller I don't know how to explain what's happening
sir I do not want to cause any trouble to you I'm not good enough for you to
come into my house that is why I did not come to talk to you myself instead
speak your command I know that my servant will then be well again in my
work someone has authority over me I also have authority over other soldiers I
say to one soldier go and he goes I say to another one come and he comes I say
to my servant do this and he does that shit I tell you I have not found anyone
like this man in all of Israel nobody else believes in me as much as he does
yep
It's not fast enough, dude.
Oh!
Oh!
I was right, fuck you!
I was right, fuck you, dude!
My faith is being rewarded!
They're going down.
No.
Three hours later, dude.
I hate you.
All right.
I'm not sure what it is.
It's just not fast enough.
So the ideal framerate is like, it's gotta be like 80 dude, 80 FPS, maybe like 75?
Wait I'm using the keyboard and my controller right now.
My multi-heat point gaming!
I'm gonna take it.
There's sometimes not registering my keyboard input.
The next day, Jesus went to a town called Nain.
His disciples and a large group of other people went with him.
When he had almost reached the gate of the town, lots of people were coming out.
They were carrying a dead man on a wooden board that would take him to bury him.
His mother had no other sons and her husband was also dead.
Oh.
A large crowd of people from the town was going with her.
A large people, a large crowd of people from the town was going with her.
How do I run?
On controller. Ah, left trigger.
Wait, we're gonna approach the widow.
What button talks to you right trigger do not cry okay that's it right hand on the keyboard
left hand on the controller, baby.
Young man, I'm telling you, get up.
Wait, Jesus is going to be yelling at this guy burning on the pyre right now.
Oh, alright.
Jesus taught God's message to the people.
He used many stories like these.
He told the people as much as they could understand.
He always used stories to teach the people then he explained everything to his own
Disciples when he was alone with them
Oh, yeah, that's from mark 433
Basically what this what this is saying is that the people were so fucking stupid that he had to use stories to talk to them and
He and his boys
Whom were not stupid to be spoken to like normal human beings
Oh, no.
Wait, is Jesus or a farming sleeping during a storm right now because he knows that he's
I'm not going to die.
Does he not care that we are perishing?
We can't no harm become.
Maybe we really have nothing to fear.
And what if we are wrong?
What if the boat breaks apart?
We must wake him. Only he can do something.
Like what, boys?
We'll die here in the water.
Oh, we're here now.
You should not be so afraid.
You should trust me.
not throw them overboard
wait we're charging our spell right now
It plays it easier on keyboard, baby?
Oh, dude, we're calming!
multi-apostle drifting dude sturdy walk Jesus you are the son of the most high
God what are you doing here please promise God that you will not hurt me
what how come everyone in video games that's evil is also bald what is your
name my name is Legion because we are many bad spirits here please do not send us away
from this place we like it here so much Jesus send us to the pigs let us go into them what
Let's go.
Is this fucking pigs?
What?
Get out of here! You've killed our pigs!
Please let me come with you.
No.
You must return to your home.
Tell people about everything that God has done for you.
Jesus returned to the other side of the lake in the boat
While he was beside the lake a large crowd came to him a
Man called
Jairus came to Jesus. He was a leader at the Jewish meeting place
When he saw Jesus he went down on his knees in front of him nice
How much did that animation cost you guys? Like 12 cents?
My little daughter is very ill and she will die very soon.
Please come to my house and put your hands on her.
Then she will be well and she will live.
Show me the way.
way. The controller keeps disconnecting. I need a new wired Xbox 360 controller in
for this is original. Why? I don't know, that's just my favorite controller to use on my computer.
PS3 is the best. I got a PS5. Sorry. The raising of J-Rus's daughter. I want to raise this kid.
Oh god, tree punks.
What?
Oh, wait what?
You can see that the crowd is pushing against you, so you cannot ask who touched you.
Is this disciple giving me a lip right now, dude?
dude what?
dude I'm mashing A right now and it's only revealing like every other second
dude what?
alright
It's on a puzzle!
I'm...
It's tedium!
Try using your keyboard?
I need you to understand some...
I need you to understand some of each other, okay?
I tried that 30 seconds before you suggested it, which means that I operate on a level of gaming that you can possibly never hope to achieve.
Your reaction time is so slow, compared to mine.
Like, my brain is operating on levels that are actually unfathomable to your pleb gamer mind, dude.
I was like, oh yeah!
Let me use my spacebar and my A button at the same time to see if I can use this to, like, interact button faster.
Guess what? Doesn't fucking work.
Also, guess what? Guess what?
I'm not moving that circle. That's right. I'm only steering it, which means that using my mouse has no purpose.
Zero purpose.
Anyway, it was this bitch that robbed me of this bald bitch right here.
Dude Jesus really was like, bro, I had to tell all these fucking poor unwashed people
like children's stories to keep them interested and then everyone at the fucking
last supper table laugh for a little bit they're like it was me they're so
stupid because I believed that just by touching them I would be healed young
woman you are now well again because you believed in me have peace in your
mind go now and have no more pain dude every woman here is a banger and
every dude oh god looking like a fucking fallout ghoul your daughter is dead no ask
any longer for the teacher to come do not be afraid instead believe you know
I'm Australian Jesus is kind of growing on me I'm gonna be honest you should not
be weeping and making a noise the child is not dead she is asleep the people
laughed at Jesus when he said that. Then Jesus sent them all out of the house.
And then Jesus pulled out the Mech Resurrector Serum that he had been keeping in his robe.
Because Jesus was a time traveler from a video game.
Oh no.
And then Jesus injected the mech Resurrector serum into the girl, killing all of her wounds
and resurrecting her instantly.
It's not instant, dude shut up!
Just shut the fuck up dude.
little girl I say to you stand up and then Jesus adopted his Western Southern
American accent girl stood up immediately and she walked about that is an
elderly woman you must not tell anyone what has happened here now give the girl
something to eat
The apostles all came to Jesus what they told him all the things that they had done and they told him
what they had taught many people were coming to Jesus and then going away Jesus and his disciples
were too busy even to eat so Jesus said to them come with me to a place where there are no other
other people. We should be alone together. Then we can rest for a short time."
So they left all the people behind. They went away in a boat together to acquire place.
But many people saw that they were leaving the town. Those people recognized them. So
the people ran out from all the towns around there. They went on land and reached
place before Jesus and the disciples. Jesus got out of the boat and he saw a large crowd of people.
He felt sorry for them. He thought to himself, these people are like sheep that have no shepherd
to take care of them. They're so fucking stupid. So he began to teach them many things.
They're so dumb. Isn't that right, Jason? We are in a place where there are no houses.
Soon it will be dark. The people do not have anything to eat
So send them away now. Tell them to go to the farms and villages that are near here
Then they can buy some food for themselves to eat
Hell no, dude, I'll feed them. You should give them some food to eat. Oh
So they gotta do but you know we cannot go to buy bread for all these people a
Man must work for eight months to get the 200 coins that we would need for that
We cannot get enough food to give to these people
How many loaves of bread do you have?
Go and see. We have five loaves and two fish.
Damn. This feeling like a Bannerlord village right now.
Create miracle and multiply fish and bread.
Affirmative.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Where are the other five?
Where's Judas?
Yeah!
Hit it!
Oh my god.
Where's the first one?
What is the furble in over there man?
Jesus.
Dude, we're just dooping.
Do we're just dooping?
Wow, that bread looks so good. Why?
What?
Especially evil.
This is like evil, evil bitch.
Dude.
It's so fucked up, dude. I did.
I would have to work eight months for all this food, man.
Jesus is kind of destabilizing the economy on this reason a little bit.
So the people sat down in groups.
Each group had fifty or one hundred people in it.
Then Jesus took the five loaves of bread and the two fish.
He looked up to heaven and He thanked God for the food.
Then He broke the bread into pieces.
He gave the pieces of bread to the disciples and they gave the bread to the people.
Jesus also broke the two fish into pieces for all the people.
ate and they all had enough food. They were not hungry anymore. Jesus disciples then picked
up all the bits of food that people had not eaten. They filled 12 baskets with little
bits of bread and fish. There were 5,000 men in the crowd that ate the food there.
So they took people's leftovers.
Wait.
Immediately after this, Jesus said to his disciples,
Get into the boat and sail across to the other side of the lake.
Jesus said that he would first send the crowd away, then he would also leave.
So Jesus sent the crowd away.
After they had gone, he went up on a mountain alone to pray.
When it became dark, he was still there alone.
At this time, the boat with the disciples in it was in the middle of the lake.
It was a long way from the land. The wind was blowing against the boat and the water was hitting it.
Then, when it was nearly dawn, Jesus walked on the water towards his disciples.
Why? Let me do it though.
It is a spirit. Be brave. It is I. Do not be afraid.
Waddles up. Lord, is it really you? If it is you, say to me, come here. Walk to me on the water. Come to me.
Dude, they pushed me.
What the?
I'm doing DDR right now.
Okay.
Success.
What the?
What the?
What the?
Wait, I can do the mash!
Save me!
I'm drowning!
You should trust me more than you do.
Why did you not believe that I could help you?
It is true.
You really are the son of God.
That game over
For this my son was you hear the beep what is alive again, and he was lost but is found and they began to be merry
There was a man
Yeah, who had two sons? Yeah, the younger son went to his father and said to him
father please give me now my part of your things well my son I shall fulfill
thy request that easy huh so the father gave both sons the part of his things
that each of them should have after a few days the younger son sold what his
father had given to him then he took all the money and he left home he went on a
long journey to a country far away. There he did whatever he wanted to do and he wasted
all his money. He's not Australian anymore. I miss Australian Jesus. Spend a wonderful
Oh, time.
Ohhhh!
Hold up.
What, a rage?
Hmm.
What else we got?
That looks like bread store, maybe vegetable store. Oh gambling.
I was not paying attention.
Ahhhh.
Middle.
Okay.
It's in the middle.
Okay...
All right, where is it, Twitch Chat? Where is it?
Middle? True!
Wrong! Idiot!
I'm gonna go talk to this prostitute. Wait, let's get this rock.
Do you want to buy something?
Yeah. I want some clothes.
You got any Gucci in here? Do you want to buy something?
I want some clothes.
W God, W God. Do you want to buy something?
I want some clothes.
Do you think the prostitute will still take me if I only got Fiddy?
Some like returning customer type shit.
After he had spent everything, there was a famine in that country.
So the young man had nothing to eat.
He went to a man who lived in that country to ask him for help.
So the man sent him into his fields to give food to his pigs
Okay, nobody gave the young man anything to eat
He even wanted to eat the food that the pigs were eating, but he had nothing
Hmm
Well
Dude, holy fuck the parthenon
I don't know what the fuck that- the- the fucking-
Hehehehe
You know, they got the par- they're on this bitch?
The Parmesan, dude, what?
So worth the day, can you get one giga?
Absolutely, dude.
I mean that actually looks acceptable. I'd eat that if I was starving.
Can you just like boil it in some water? Get some corn soup.
Grits. Wait is this what grits is?
No way.
Wait, people feed, like, people feed animals grits, essentially?
Dude, Vigor was talking to me about how, how good grits are.
And now, if he brings up grits again, I'm going to say that he eats pig slob.
It's just pig slob, dude.
Big flop, big flop.
My father has many servants and they have plenty of food.
They have more food than they can eat.
But I will die here because I do not have any food.
Maybe you shouldn't have bought all those prostitutes, man.
So I will go to my father.
Okay.
Father, I have done bad things against God and against you, so I am not good enough for
you to call me your son.
But the Father said to his servants, Hurry!
Go and bring the most beautiful coat that we have.
Put it on him and also put a ring on his finger.
Put shoes on his feet.
Bro, he needs to eat, man.
the young cow that we keep ready to eat on a special day. It is already fat. Kill it
and prepare it. We will eat a big meal and we will be happy together.
Dude, imagine having to tell your servant to go kill and butcher an animal so you can
have it for dinner, brother. She would take forever, man.
I thought that my son was dead. But now he has returned to me and he is alive.
I thought that he had left me forever, but now he has come home.
Yeah, he's standing right in front of you buddy.
Well, these things were happening.
The older son was working in the field.
What are the sounds coming from the house?
Hmm.
I'm walking inexplicably right now.
Who's the pi- Who's here, dad? Dad, who here?
What is happening here?
Your brother has returned home.
Your father has killed the fat young cow for him.
him. He did this because your brother is alive and he is well.
Why him? I shall not enter this house. That makes me mad and jealous. I shouldn't be that
way. Please come into the house and be happy with us.
No. Listen to me. I have worked very hard for you for many years. I have always obeyed
you, but you never killed even a young goat for me so that I could enjoy a meal
with my friends but now this other son of yours has returned you never drive me to
the mall on the weekend he's wasted all the money that you gave him he has used
it to pay prostitutes but you have killed the fat young cow to make a feast
for her I didn't know that my son you are always with me all the things that I
have are for you choices matter we thought that your brother was dead but
And now he has returned to us alive.
Wahoo!
We thought that he had left us forever.
Or space-ev.
But now he has come home.
So it is right for us all to be happy together.
Jesus came to the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives.
The whole crowd of his disciples were very happy.
They began to praise God with loud voices.
They thanked him for all the great things that they had seen.
The triumphal entry into Jerusalem.
Wait, who am I?
Chex Bress?
Nope.
I'm a man.
Dude, the Parthenon!
They got another one.
Why do these Jesus games always have to treat the player like they have a second grade reading comprehension?
There's a reason that a lot of the messaging in the Bible is presented as a children's story.
Let's just say that, buddy.
Maybe you can figure it out.
I'm going to get some coffee real quick, fellas.
Gardens, are you here?
Elgardo!
Yes, reload.
Alright, take over.
I'm gonna mute everything.
We're back.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
The ocean's great. She came back with the arrows.
Stay back.
I'm not catching webbers on your heads.
easy he's a godlike you mean a god gave you that face touch your soul and
everything that's right never seen one of your kind before you want to talk
nice ears looks more like a curse to me
What?
Not all of that one.
Oh, one run.
Another ending in the book.
One more to go.
Got it!
Yeah, bitch.
Alpha male.
That's right.
I found this clip when I was on Loretta.
We've lost a lot of tanks, man.
I watched it like Jay Beezie died the other day.
That was rough.
That was sad.
As a mage player, that was sad to watch from two mages in a group, to be honest.
It made me physically unwell.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It made me feel like I was a decent mage player, knowing that I probably would have
like there were no sheeps going out there were no blizzards going out
apparently he didn't have the spec for blizzard for slows but like that's
exactly why I run that spec because it would shake those sideways you save
lives man
Please get in the hole!
Bro, I need a new switch controller.
Why am I crouching?
Oh my god, there's shit everywhere.
You're addicted to games which cost your marriage throwing rocks in the glass house.
Dude, I was presented with a clear choice, okay.
Clear choice.
Indigility in RuneScape
Or
Save my marriage
Look, some choices are just simply made simply made
And now look at me bro, I got a full graceful dog. I got 120 marks in the bank
What you know about that?
How did you know about that?
Ooh, yeah, let's freakin' go!
Pog!
I got the deluxe edition
because I was so heckin' excited, guys.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
And I got my Calc Kessus lightsaber, guys!
Oh, yeah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
my favorite Jedi my hatred sustains me
now let's fight a good boss
The two-handed bowling looks so fucking stupid, man.
Like, if that's what you like to do, whatever, dude.
Main place I go nowadays for gaming is round one, and we've had people like that show
up and start trying to break all the arcade machines.
You're too indable because you have cerebral palsy.
Okay, dude.
You still look stupid, dude.
You can see the smallest hint of human sentience as he finally hit his thumbstick.
He started to turn, dude.
And uh, he was the one that it was me and two computers and you better believe I juke
them harder than anyone's ever been juke in their life.
And he got so fucking mad when he couldn't get me
They he threw his controllers at me and then started bawling and in rage
I had to explain to him. I was like listen man
I'm just that good
I was like listen dude listen man
your pop is a regular prodigy dude we're good
yeah they reported their own stats that that shit could literally have it it's
not like steam charts where you can see like a live fucking graph of like who was
play in the last-
F**K!
MAN!
NO!
NOOOO!
But here I am, Joe, I'm yours, if you'll have me.
I don't know what to say, I think you're quite a snack, kid Rock, but I couldn't be your
boyfriend.
But, you're just too old for me.
I'm too old for you?
I got Jesus watching my clips, bro.
Yo, who else can say that shit?
Yo, I hit a clip for Jesus, dude.
Okay.
the
the
Yo, we stealing donkey's breath and if they ask us what we are doing
What should we do then then say the master needs them? He will send them back to you soon
Wait, which way is Jerusalem guys
I'm thinking it's over there
Hey, where's the village?
In your land is Maui City.
Moon moon hair looking like Kim Jong Moon today?
Hair like Kim Jong Un.
a fact. 30 and 0 in my CS2 lobby. That's a hack. Donkey located. Bars. Dude, I can't ride
Did this shit?
Okay?
What are we doing exactly?
oh we have asthma nope make sure you guys are doing the inputs as well in chat
okay dude if we all do it at the same time then we will be blessed
my guitar stuff fucked up it's like moving on it
What are you doing? Why are you undoing the donkey's rope?
Their guy looks suited.
The master needs them. He will send them back to you soon.
The master?
Alright, I will entrust you with my donkey.
Yep.
It's just that fuckin' easy, bros.
Just say the master saying you break a seal in the animal you want.
Taco Bell didn't give me my sauce for my fucking nuggies, I pissed AF.
Why the fuck did you get chicken nuggies from Taco Bell?
They're good?
Make water sauce says the chatter has dip it in water dude underrated are you
got a one sir I'm back let me turn very slowly to face you I go well I do
believe I have made a mistake. Yep. Aim for the donkey. I didn't see a prompt on
the donkey so I just assumed I had to go over there and click yes on him.
Y'all think I can climb this mountain? I thought this is Jesus and you ain't
even jesus dude shut your freaking bitch mouth thought traversing
you just assumed i was the donkey okay I don't think I have any donkey like
features personally? Where's this fucking village? I know where it is.
Guys, it looks like a face. Oh my gosh, this place might be haunted.
Oh, it's my... it's my donkeys. Look, they're following me.
Really padding out that playtime, huh?
I can just stand over there.
Hold up.
Anti-refund donkeys. This guy thought of everything.
It's teaching you patience? Oh.
Well, I'm not a doctor, so.
Not really sure how this is supposed to help.
Boo the puke all likes for seven good one has a bit of word play fellas
You can ride them you don't fucking know that you've never played this game I
Know for a fact none of you have played this game. I know for a fact
You read the book. Not the same. Increased frame rate to speed up donkeys? I'd have to
restart the game.
Dude, I don't know if you guys can see it, but when I...
If you look at G's at his head, it kind of looks like he's wearing a scouter. You squint
your eyes when he moves to certainly after he's done swaying he's wearing a
scourge dude what's my power level
we praise God you be may the Lord God bless the King who comes with his
authority great will be the kingdom of King David our ancestor we praise God
Above
Damn
God's house will be a place where people from all countries pray
When they arrived back in Jerusalem
Jesus went into the yard of the temple people were buying and selling things there
Jesus began to make them all leave that place
Some men were changing coins there for people.
He pushed over their tables,
and he pushed over the seats of the men who sold birds.
Why them?
Jesus would not let anyone carry things through that place.
This is my favorite Bible story.
It's also the only one I remember within the accuracy.
This dude walked in and was like,
No, you can't do that here.
Flip your fuckin' table.
Dude, they're just trying to sell water,
but wait, are we flipping it?
Oh shit, yeah!
Fuck you, bitch!
Leave!
Get your ass out of this shit.
No commerce.
Ha ha ha ha.
Wait, we talked to him.
The Bible says God's house will be a place where people from all countries pray.
But you have changed it into a place where robbers meet.
The leaders of the priests and the teachers of God's law heard this.
Yeah.
And they thought about how they could kill Jesus.
Oh.
They were afraid of Him because all the crowd were listening to Him.
And the things that he taught caused the crowd to be very surprised.
When it was evening, Jesus and his disciples went out of the city again.
Blind people went to meet Jesus in the yard of the temple.
People who could not walk very well also went there.
Jesus caused them all to become well.
Dude plot twist, what if the guy narrating this actually isn't the AI?
We just like...
Ha ha ha ha!
What authority do you have to do these things?
Tell us.
Who gave you the authority to do them?
I also will ask you one question.
Ooh, wait, this guy was like, dude, answer my question.
Jesus was like, no, uh, you answer my question first.
If you tell me the answer, then I will answer your question.
I will tell you what authority I have to do these things.
I'm the son of God.
John baptized people.
Did God give him the authority to do this?
Or did men tell him to do it?
Then the Jewish leaders talked to each other
about Jesus' question.
They said, we could say that God gave John his authority.
But if we say that, Jesus will say to us,
then you should have believed John.
But we cannot say that John received his authority
from people.
All the people think that John was a prophet from God.
We are afraid that the crowd might attack us.
Reasonable, reasonable.
We do not know who gave John his authority.
You will not answer my question.
So I will not tell you what authority I have to do these things.
You just got freaking finesse, idiot.
Then the leaders of the priests and the important Jews
met together in the house of the most important priest.
His name was Caiaphas.
They wanted to kill Jesus, but they
wanted to take hold of him secretly.
So they tried to decide how they could do that.
They said to each other, we do
not want to take hold of him during the Passover festival. If we do that, the people will be
angry and they may fight against us.
Mmm. Matthew 26, 3 guys. Remember?
When it was evening, Jesus and the 12 disciples sat down to eat the Passover meal together.
Dude look at the guy, look at the guy immediately to our left dude, he ain't movin bro.
I tell you this, one of you will help my enemies to take hold of me.
Why?
Lord, surely you do not mean me, do you?
Lord, you would not be speaking of me would you?
The man who will give me to the rulers is eating from the same dish as I am.
The Son of Man must die in the way that the Bible says.
It doesn't exist yet, but it will be very bad for the man who gives me to my enemies.
It would be better for that man if he had not been born.
Teacher, surely you do not mean me, do you?
Hmm. I don't know. He's kind of the only guy with the last name at the table.
You have said it yourself.
While Jesus and his disciples were eating, he took a loaf of bread.
He thanked God for it, and then he broke the bread into pieces.
He gave some of it to each of them.
Surely you do not think it was me.
Take this bread and eat it. This is my body. Then Jesus took a cup. He thanked God for the
wine and the cup. Then he gave it to them and he said, all of you should drink some of this wine.
This is my blood that shows the agreement that God makes with his people. When I die,
my blood will pour out of my body. In that way, God will forgive many people for the wrong
things that they have done. Oh neat. That is the agreement that God makes because of my
death. Oh! I tell you this. I will not drink wine again until I drink it with you and
my father's kingdom. Then, it will be new wine. Fucking gestures man. Judas Iscariot
was one of Jesus' twelve apostles.
He went to see the leaders of the priests, and he asked them,
How much money will you give me if I help you to take hold of Jesus?
The priests gave Judas thirty silver coins.
Judas then waited for the right moment to help them to take hold of Jesus.
Bro, not even one gold piece, dude, he did the shit.
After the supper, Jesus went with his disciples to the Garden of Gethsemane.
So, sit here while I go over there and pray.
My soul is deeply grieved, even to the point of death.
Remain here and stay awake with me.
We might get jumped, fellas.
All right, you guys stay here. I'll be okay. Nothing bad's gonna happen.
You know what they say about set design? Make something where people want to live there,
Wouldn't it be baller to live in a house like this?
Where's the toilet though?
Jesus don't go back there dude I have to pray man.
I gotta pray man.
My father if possible let this cup pass from me.
me yet not what I will but what you will hmm okay the prayer position is pretty good actually
meanwhile Jesus disciples struggled to stay awake press spacebar to stay away wait can
Can we change the pass?
I'm pressing the button, fella.
Tide paradox.
Dude, it's like Kingdom come 2 when you kill the entire camp of army guys.
Or when you kill Sigismen, dude.
Oh fuck!
Okay, I'm gonna fall asleep, dude.
So couldn't you stay awake with me for one hour?
Stay awake and pray that you will not fall into temptation.
We didn't scold it, dude.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
You should not still be sleeping and resting.
and
look the moment has arrived someone will now give me the son of man to my
enemies stand up we will go now oh shit man I should have stayed away bro the
man who will give me to my enemies is here who was it while Jesus was still
speaking Judas arrived he was one of Jesus 12 disciples I remember a crowd
also came with him they were carrying swords and heavy sticks the leaders of
the priests and the important Jews had sent these people with Judas aww man it
was Judas dude
hello teacher my friend now do what you have come here to do oh he's Australian
again draw a sword put your sword back in its place people who use a sword to
kill others will themselves die in the same way someone will kill them with a
sword oh you should know that I could ask my father god to help me he would
immediately send more than 12 large groups of angels to fight for me
All a battalion of angels!
But then the things that God has said in the Bible about this would not happen.
So it must happen in this way.
But no more than 12.
Oh, we got to heal him, dude.
That's so Jesus-like, actually.
Fucking goddammit, man.
It has come out here with swords and heavy sticks to take hold of me.
Do you really believe that I am a dangerous robber?
Every day I was teaching people in the yard of the temple.
But you did not try to take hold of me then.
The prophets wrote long ago that all this would happen to me.
Now it has become true.
Dude, you should have seen it coming then, man.
Then those men who had taken hold of Jesus took him to Caiaphas' house.
Caiaphas was the leader of the priests.
I know.
The tears of God's law and the important Jews were meeting there, together with Caiaphas.
The leaders of the priests and all the Jewish leaders wanted to punish Jesus with death.
So they tried to find some people who would say things against Jesus that were not true.
What will they come up with, I wonder?
We heard this man say, I can destroy the temple, and in three days I can build it again.
Hmm, that doesn't sound like what Jesus would say.
You must reply now to what these men have said against you.
Are the things that they say true?
Hmm, dot dot dot.
I use the authority of the God who lives.
You must promise to tell us what is true.
Are you the Messiah? Are you the Son of God?
You have said it. And I tell all of you, soon you will see the Son of Man.
Hmm.
He will be sitting in the most important place, at the right side of the most powerful God.
Ooh, he's saying, ooh, once you kill me, bro, I'm gonna be in heaven, and you're gonna see me eventually,
and I'm gonna be sitting right there, you feel really fucking stupid, dude!
You'll also see him coming to Earth.
He will be riding on the clouds in the sky.
Oh.
Jesus has spoken bad words against God.
We do not need anyone else to speak against Jesus
You have heard him speak bad words against God
Do you think that he is guilty?
He is guilty and he deserves to die. Oh my god
You guys sound like an oblivion MPC
Very early the next morning all the Jewish leaders met together
The leaders of the priests met with the leaders the teachers of God's
law and the other important Jews. They decided what they would do. They tied Jesus' hands
and feet and they took him to Pilate's house. They put him under Pilate's authority.
Look at the guy on the right. Very far right. How fucking wide is that dude? Holy shit.
Do you always punish the prisoners even before the trial?
What do you accuse this man of?
If he were not a criminal, we would not have brought him to you.
That's the evil guy.
That is not what I asked.
Why can't you judge him by your own laws?
Procurator, you know we cannot sentence a man to death.
To death?
What did this man do to deserve such a punishment?
He broke the law, procurator.
Procurator?
He taught false and vile doctrines.
Wasn't he the one you received with honors a few days ago?
He formed a sect, calls himself the son of David, and forbade his followers from paying
taxes to the emperor.
What?
Bring him here.
It's this guy who attacks and he was like what?
Bring him here immediately!
Gotta go to Pilates.
Well, I'll see you guys.
I'll see you around.
are you truly the king of the Jews yes my kingdom is not of this world if it were
do you think my disciples would have handed me over so then you are truly a
king for this I was born everyone who listens to me listens to the truth what
is truth. Damn! I'm asking the hard-hitting questions. Let's go kill you now.
I have questioned this prisoner, and I find no cause in him. Damn. This man is a Galilean,
is he not? He is. Well, then, he is a subject of King Herod's. His majesty is in Jerusalem
for the past, let him judge the man according to the laws of Galilee.
Yeah! Dude!
When Pilate heard this, he asked if Jesus came from Galilee.
He discovered that he was from the region where Herod ruled.
So Pilate sent Jesus to stand in front of Herod.
Herod was also in Jerusalem at that time.
Herod asks Jesus questions.
Herod was very happy to see Jesus.
He had heard about him and he had wanted to meet him for a long time.
He wanted to see Jesus do a miracle to show God's power.
He asked Jesus many questions, but Jesus did not answer any of them.
The leaders of the priests and the teachers of God's law were standing there.
They were shouting out that Jesus had done many bad things.
Herod and his soldiers started to laugh at Jesus do they're teasing Jesus things to make him feel bad
Beautiful coat on him then they said back to pilot
What's up with the beautiful coat thing dude, what does that mean?
You brought this man to me you said that he was teaching the people to do bad things
Listen, I have asked him some questions in front of you
But I have not found that he has done anything wrong.
Herod also did not find that he had done anything wrong.
That is why he has sent him back to me.
You can see this.
He has not done anything bad that means he deserves to die.
Yes, but what were the evil priests?
So I will pressure him.
I will command a soldier to hit him with lips.
Then I will let him go.
I have made it my custom every year at the past to deliver a condemned criminal back to you.
I am presently holding a well-known murderer in prison, Barabbas.
Which of the two men would you have me release to you?
Barabbas or Jesus called Christ?
Dude, say Jesus.
It's not too late, bro.
Say Jesus.
He is not the Christ.
He is an imposter, a blasphemer.
Free Barabbas!
They chose the they chose the fucking baby murder again. I ask you which of these two men should I deliver up to you?
Yeah, that's that's the that's the quadruple baby murderer
What would you have me do with Jesus of Nazareth?
No, I will chastise him, but then I will set him free dude. This guy is our boy dude
I mean, surely nothing bad happens. They rule here, right?
My heart is ready, father. My heart is ready.
Oh my god! They beat the fuck out of us.
You were ordered to punish him, not to kill him.
Take him away.
Here is the crown, Your Majesty.
are you not content look at him if this man once thought he was king of the Jews
I'm sure he no longer does he made himself the son of God crucify him
who speak to me I have the power to crucify you or else to set you free you
have no power over me but they who delivered me to you have the greater sin I have said
I find no cause in him you take him you crucify him I am innocent of the blood of this man
do as they wish cutscene oh no nevermind
I don't think this is going to end very well.
This is wrong.
Jesus carries the Dome Cross.
Ow!
If you are the Son of God, why don't you save yourself?
Wait, who are these jobbers next to us?
We deserve this.
But he does not.
alone to I have sinned and my punishment is just you would be justified in
condemning me I ask only that you remember me Lord when you enter your
kingdom a man I tell you on this day you shall be with me in paradise
laughter
laughter
my god
why have you forsaken me
laughter
it is accomplished
father into your hands i commend
my spirit
This is the uh the system of a down song, dude.
Baaah they're eating your head! I've got my my favorite!
After the crucifixion ends of Jesus, he was laid in a tomb which was sealed with a large stone and guarded.
The first day came, the tomb remained closed. The second day passed, all was silent and dark.
But on the third day early in the morning the earth shook and the stone was rolled away from the entrance an
Angel appeared and proclaimed he is not here. He has risen
Yippee
Be what?
There is no new game plus dude, I swear to God.
Hold on, let me check the store page again.
Bro, there are things in the store page that never happened in the game, gosh.
The AI disclosure on this says, the developer described how their game uses AI-generated
content like this.
AI-generated images, sure buddy.
Put up the moonwalk in Jesus' Gip!
I'm going to check out the new life of strange big dog hell no hell no
Are you guys ready to kill some pedophiles?
Any of you okay?
I need a title quick.
No, we're not playing Roblox, guys.
Can you play this song?
Dude, Christian EDM? Okay.
Play Five Nights at Epstein's? That's an actual game on Roblox right now, by the way.
Malka?
We got our people on Roblox again, man.
I'm blanking on a tunnel right now.
shut up lady let's rock leader of men we need some affirmations I think
You
Where's the I'm the leader of men?
I am a leader of men.
Holy fuck.
I am a leader of men. I'm courageous.
Wait, what the hell are we doing in here?
Let's get rid of the shitty non-lethal gun and equip gun that kills people.
Isn't this a nickel back song?
Wait, what?
Hmm, what gun though?
What do you fellas think?
Assault rifle?
Battle rifle?
Kind of cringe.
PDW, always cool.
The Launcher.
A rotary grenade launcher originally made for military use with high explosive ammunition.
I'm Sam Bleeder of Man.
It was fucking bored by spying.
Quick recap of what this game is first time seeing it.
You and five other guys who did not graduate high school are called upon to enter extremely
dangerous situations in which someone has lost their mind or is doing something highly
illegal. And it is your job to utilize your collective seventh grade education to defuse
the situation by any means necessary. Oh, and they're gay too. Yeah, they're gay.
um
Check out the scp 9
Amy are you okay? Are you okay, any? Okay, it was like huge
Mama mia there's a multi laser
I don't know the difference between any of these it's gonna peck 15 dude
any are you okay are you okay any any are you okay we'll keep the non-lethal side
Wait, how do I...
If I'm editing the preset, do I need to save it?
Who knows?
We're going to give you the shotgun, heavy man's shield, heavy man's, and then heavy
man's shield.
like the SMDL? What's the... what is SMDL?
What the...
I'll turn my game down a little bit.
That ballistic mandible IRL is over $2,000.
Shut the hell up, nerd. Gunweeb.
And then I hold my shit sideways.
And then I pepperball.
all
wait
i got a laser
bro we don't need to shoot that fast
What the fuck
Get the full auto block I didn't know I'm lethal
After
You'd imagine what that would feel like in your hands shooting
That should that should we don't vibrate bruh
Suspected of importing weaponry. Oh my god. I
Remember you guys saw this one was really hard
Suspected of importing weaponry for the gang lost locos Lspd detectives visited the premises
They should have followed with one suspect being shot in an LSPD detective and critical condition
Alrighty kick cat and mushy and fanboy bugs and sands man things for sure
Do do do do do you're fucked with your builds dude you're mad stay mad dude
I got Torres, I got Nakamura, I got fucking Clark, and Clark.
Who are you talking to?
you talking to. I will beat the bug out of you.
down on the ground now!
Where is this guy?
Fuck you!
Police! Down on the ground!
Get right out of here!
I don't want police!
I don't want help!
Police! Get out of here!
Ready.
Got it.
Down on the ground.
Don't let me.
It's just being attacked.
Secure.
I don't die, we're good.
Hey, dude.
Wait, we should look at our...
Hold on. We'll look at our iPad.
Rescue all civilians, arrest FISA Agent Adams, arrest Maria Lopez, find Eugene Gomez, locate
FISA office okay okay wait did I already get hurt no did you guys restrain this
guy we mowed down. Let's ride. Oh no! Oh! Oh shit. Okay. Anyone in there? Oh. Oh.
I'm not sure what this is.
Any bad men?
God, I'm gonna move.
I think that if that was trapped, we're back on the way.
Hands up! Do it now!
On me. Put your hands up!
Come out with your hands up!
Get out of there! No!
No! No! No!
Stay here and stay calm.
Cover me!
LSP, get out of here!
I got a ship, bitch!
He's not going now.
Oh, fuck.
He's not here.
Not here? Keep going.
Move over there. On a move.
As of the end.
I should have stayed on the other side.
Oh, I got that way, I'm up.
I will kill you, I'll get it.
Okay.
I gotta be honest, I'm not...
I'm so fucking bad actually
Provide support on me. I'm with you
of
the
Oh my god.
of the
You know, I bet these guys are on the roof too, man
Yeah.
Where was that dude?
I don't think he's dead.
of
Move to my front.
All my way.
Fuck you, Pete!
Fallen behind me.
On you.
I can't believe they killed Johnson.
Jones, I'm in.
get a gun
Oh
Hey
It's like arc on this what is happening?
Police! Get down!
Police! Drop the weapon! Drop the weapon and get down!
Drop the weapon and put your hands on your head!
Shoot me!
What the hell?
Oh, if you stand on the floor, I'm going to drop you and get this police!
Hands up now!
Please, this is dark.
Security area and we'll stand for a second.
I got cover.
Security.
I'm going to get you out of here.
I'm so fucking dead.
Where the fuck was this guy?
I'm sure it was nothing, fellas.
So we're down, down two men, huh, or one?
From whence are you shooting me?
I cannot see this guy.
You're so fucking dead, buddy.
It's a gun moving in with a ... Jesus!
I'll get him ready.
Put your hands up!
Get on the ground now!
Fuck!
Get on the ground now!
We take a joke where he fells on you
I don't get it.
Wait.
Was he not dead?
This is talk.
Medical assistance is standing by.
Wait, that's one of the shooters.
Oh
Lucky what do you mean I snapped to that guy
I heard that.
Stop whining man, it'll all be over soon.
He said mate.
What are we doing here it said locate the office
Whoa not doing a very good job there chief, huh, huh you a terrorist bitch
I'm gonna let these packages go
We need Eugene Gomez
of the
way she said make use of
I don't know what to do with it.
They always be plex about jail no matter what they do.
Yeah, they always be flex about jail no matter
I think that uh...
The guy who died got wall banged through the cubicle dude.
He fucking shot through the fucking wall! How is he supposed to know dude?
Wait did we lose Yoon? Yoon's the only person we have with a trait.
They treat them like shit all the time, why wouldn't they watch you die?
What do you mean? I mourn them every time they die. I scream their name.
Full of anguish. Sadness.
Okay, I gotta get rid of this fucking pepper roll gun. This thing sucked ass.
Why can't I click? Why can't I click here?
Why can't I click on this menu? Hello?
Oh!
Click gun? I wass!
It's not working.
What was happening okay what pistol though boys what do you think will be the best for
killing terrorists long range the G lock
Is that the G-19?
MKB?
And cannon.
What the hell?
Okay.
Custom laser.
I can't tell if that's a scoper now.
What the fuck?
uh now what what main gun just trying to assault rifle
I don't know what's a cool one I want one with high to moderate recoil dude
Wait, 7-6-2 is what we want.
Am I 7-6-2 bigger or 5-5-6?
I want something violent dude.
wait take the fucking suppressor off
okay how come I can't bring more ammo than this so bullshit
Okay, now load out mirror gun mirror gun very good
Remove pistol mags. Hell no look at this shit. I got the thing dude. I got the blinky
What the fuck even is that thing what?
Where did that bullet go?
laser lies dude
now we hold sideways
now we're going to take this piece of shit off of the top of our gun
Uh, right here.
This laser point is on the underside, so I guess we could use it like that.
Now what we're gonna do, okay, some of you may find this to be objectionable, alright,
but we are going to bring only pistol ammo.
Okay.
Gamble?
Hand's on your hand!
Dude, I don't even know why you guys need to gamble, man.
Reloading!
Reloading!
Sounds so fucking crazy!
We have 70s copin' only to pistol no body armor?
Dude, these guys are literally hiding between, like, a jungle of pallets.
Okay.
I'm going to randomly get shot...
at all times.
We gotta pick our dudes.
Look what caliber is that pistol?
Uh, Barret 50 cal.
You know that one?
Let's rock.
You need the big fuck off flashlight too if you're doing 70s cop.
First of all we are not doing 70s cop.
Second of all.
You guys remember that time when Jesus hit the moonwalk?
DEMO STUFF
Let's ride boys
BREATHE!
I
don't
Want to get out of the town
You got to be that son of a gun.
Now here we go.
Open the door, man.
Doctor, please.
The building is yours.
Dark use, notify trailers.
Anyone in here?
I'll pick up this guy.
Rich!
Tell him that the trailer's incoming.
Oh
No
I was gonna sweat and do you
Trailer standing by
Okay, we need to get on the roof I think before we do anything
I'm trying to use my Eagle Eyes here.
I think we blew a hole in that guy's chest.
That's a moment. Nothing. We're good. There we appear several openings and do by dear
clear check it with the wand copy
One is ready
I think there's anyone in here open the door
Oh
Where are you breaching
I can't help but notice you're still following me for some reason, instead of certaining
the room under me.
It's actually in the area.
You can't go into the women's restroom like...
What?
Watch me
Not only am I gonna go with
Hey
I don't know if we can get out of the roof.
Lower head up, no I need her alive.
of
the
death of
the
death
of
the
I
Talked reporting beauty keep them coming
This is our car standing by
How did that first one miss?
How did that first one miss?
Please, this is tough.
Proceed with mission.
Oh, he jurgled him, bruh.
of
death of
death of
death of
death of
I just feel so bad about sending my guys on a dive, but maybe we should use them as tools.
As God intended.
Imagine using pistol without riot shield?
Yeah, it's more fucking base if you use it that way.
It's like a dude like
Guys new mission available
Let's check our roster who we lost a couple of good cops today
Which means it's time to hire
Back to res dude. He's back. I can't fucking believe it. We're gonna get Torres
We gon' get Flores, dude.
We gon' get Gonson, who stands for dick, because anyway.
Eh, that's why I fuckin' hired him, because it's like, his name's kinda like a penis.
Penis name.
How was that, laser sight?
Oh, I didn't use it.
The laser sight's weird. It's like effective at like, but like a medium range.
I don't know how to describe it.
Like...
When I, when I went to the shooting range and I moved the thing all the way out,
and then I turned the laser down, I put the laser right in the middle of their head,
it was shooting them in the neck, or the chin.
And then when I used the iron sight, it went exactly where I was at.
Maria
Yeah
I
Worst the fourth
I am a leader of men.
Red team.
Close down the body, kill that boy.
Blue and red.
Start to leave.
Continue with objectives.
The war can go on.
And that is life.
Drop your weapon.
I have to smear.
Police down on the ground.
I have to cut you for RC.
I
Continue with the check dog here. Can you mission?
What you bitch
Wait
of
the
death of
the
death of
the
I have like 30 bullet holes in me dude.
cover at the door that was not it that if I wouldn't look tactical me would not
have used that as cover let's just say that I would have shot through a window
from two miles away
better chance of playing this online people can carry you okay here's what
I'm not gonna do when I play this game play with other people sorry
stop fucking asking we're just sheer force of will it move will leader of
men stuff
surprising so I have people with their mission records
toudlrain
right, Kegum makes your summit
this is tough
shut the fuck up, bitch
you are cleared to move in
S.T.F.U. now.
He did not get flushed.
You're clear to proceed.
Enter team, this is talk, stabilize them and we'll set him to ease.
I don't think it's gonna be okay.
There's like four guys here, man.
Open up.
What the fuck?
I keep hitting one.
where was the event so blind where was he bro
right there dude you guys did not see that guy I swear to God
We're gonna try one more time with the pistol.
Maybe stick to FMV games, smile?
Holy fuck.
Yo guards, mod that guy.
First of things first of it.
Missed me low.
Mental touch.
belongs to me.
I have to do this.
Keep him coming.
Got him.
Hey, it sounds like such a bitch.
This guy's not gonna be like hiding behind this fucking cha-
Oh!
What'd I tell you?
He's gonna shoot me through the tiniest fucking hole, man.
What the fuck?
Police don't move!
Oh way bro!
You got booked?
What if we shot him in the back?
The boys are taking care of it.
you good man you good who saw that
here why don't we close this door buddy
He's been anxious suspiciously lately about some shipments we've been transporting to the airport.
Wait, it's Eugene Gomez. That's one of the guys we have to save.
Drop the weapon now! Police, get down on the floor!
Police! Come out now!
Eleanor Talk. Suspect killed.
Linn, this is Talk. Tag him and keep moving.
Move in, clear the room.
There, move.
Come out from that!
Get down!
I'll escape!
What now?
Come out from that!
get out of there now. Where are you yelling at?
of
the
death of
the
death of
the
death
I
Have no any real rest the guys to be
The suspects are holding civilian hostage.
The suspect is taking hostages.
We're gonna bait him.
The rocket has just been executed.
Wait, what?
Which one of you killed a hostage?
The rest of them.
We're braiding.
There's the rest of my team.
All right, this is about the right support.
Roger, thanks.
Someone in the cabin.
The subject is taken safe.
Talk to the lead.
There's no use for this.
Or how many bullets is that gonna happen?
We gotta go all the way around the outside.
Also, can the bad guys just choose to execute hostages?
Or did the hostage get caught on a crossfire?
They did.
I mean, I know it said that they were executed, but that implies the guy's like, yeah, I'm
gonna grab the...
Oh wow.
like grabbed him because he was nearby. It was crossfire this time. That's me. Time to
Change the difficulty chunk too difficult for you?
At Moonman you suck.
Then I thanks for some of it.
Have you considered lowering the difficulty?
LOL
LOL
Keep going.
OPEN.
OPEN.
UP.
Open. Open!
Hands up! I'll poke your head!
Drop the weapon!
Hands up! Get under the...
Shoot!
Sorry.
Dr. Elements, gag a bit. You move it.
I
You are
I'll get a job on the farm!
He didn't tell me, my bro.
I'm just a security.
Lead, this is Toc.
Trailer's notified.
I need nothing that you're back.
Got him.
Got it back.
I just wanted to be sure, we're getting it.
You're a mask, baby.
I'm in.
Look at you, look at that, boy.
I saw you, bitch.
Mess me, you da...
Put your hands up!
whoopsie
whoopsie
Where I shouldn't fit the house
Like one more guy
I'm gonna kill you.
Get up.
Doctor, medical assistance is standing by.
I don't know what to do with it.
Um, fellas?
Maybe take some cover?
Oh.
Where?
Oh.
Where?
Oh.
Oh.
Get down!
Down in the ground! Move!
No way!
Here we go.
uh
Restrain them
Hello
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Alamut, this is Bob.
Stam's notified.
Going at the stream.
Evidence, moving from the water.
Talk to me.
Notifying trailer.
It's over.
of
the
death of
the
death of
the
death of
the
death
of
the
death of
death
of
death
of
of
the
of the
I
Talk trailers ready
This is talk trailers are ready
I think there's another guy, but I don't know
No!
What the hell is that?
Surprise!
What's up boys?
Fall in.
We still got work to do on the inside.
Suspect securing. Evidence secured.
Put the weapon down!
Let's take it off.
Get down and keep your hands up!
Hands up!
I'm moving in the hangar.
Yeah, we saved this guy!
Who's up there? Reveal thyself.
I've been taunted.
I can't fail!
I'm so sorry!
I'm down!
Dude, I tried backing up.
My teammates are directly behind me blocking the road.
And a guy's not even moving.
Dude, he shot me through the car!
Can we talk about that? Hello?
Window, not car, dude.
Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day Day You can also start
shooting them through stuff.
I don't know to be honest, I really didn't see that guy because of the screen distortion
started happening. I literally could not make sense of where the guy was. I truly could.
Miss Katonic thinks for some...
Bolts can go through cars, stop watching movies.
Lane, this is Toc. Suspect have taken refuge in the area and are refusing to call.
Move in, prepare for your ROE and secure the area.
Yeah, did I say bullets can't go through cars?
It was implied? No. I mean, if you're stupid, yeah, that was the implication.
I
Launch one already was this first day on the job
Two years from retirement.
Okay, it's like I'm stupid, okay?
Who is talking?
Surely there's no bad guys behind us.
Go be
The project
Police, get down!
Captain!
Police, don't move!
Captain Doctor, what's the situation?
He's got safety.
Alamut, this is Tocque.
Medical assistance is standing by.
If you have the right to remain silent,
anything you do will be ready.
Wait, he's reading the thing.
Captain Doctor, safe.
Yep, got his bags.
Tocque to lead.
Proceed with mission.
Fucking proceed!
They're going to come.
Up to Run!
Freeze!
Let's go for the lead.
Let's break these BDs.
I'm the main person.
LSBD! Hands up.
Hands up! Down underneath!
I'm needed to control.
What's your name?
Oh
No reload you fuck
I'll remember you Jones.
I'll always remember you.
Please kill that guy
I don't know where this guy was
you got a buddy okay come on man walk in dude come on
We're on the corner behind that stack of boxes.
Oh!
DiddyBlood does not a corner peek, dude.
Go back, just go play CS, chatter.
Just go play CS.
I just told your man to walk in.
Alright, but when he gets mowed down, what do we do for the next place that we need to
run a guy?
What do we do after that?
Let's get Flores, dude.
Let's get fucking Garcia.
Let's get, uh, Cruz.
I'm not even looking at their skills.
Lopez.
Camura.
Classic.
Perez?
Lino Gomez.
And... Kenan Smith.
Let's R-O-K.
I'm a high-profile contributor in the Ready or Not
discord and I want you to and I want to know if you really give a shit about this game if you do
you'll read the guides we made in the hashtag training channel otherwise we don't want you in our
community operator out
I want to see
I mean I shot at the bull I shot toward them how do not kill
I
This is talk
What a nasty angle dude
Yup
That's ready to go a firm a firm Roger will go
Fucking dead
Stabilize them and we'll stand DMD.
You've been moved?
Me when I shoot the guy through his face?
No, I don't think so.
I literally obliterated that guy's solar plexus, man.
I was like, no, you didn't.
I'm moving in the hang-up.
Don't move the stapler.
What the hell are you doing?
The building is secured.
here trailers notified oh my god was that a guy but this isn't cover guys
Where is the new shooter gun?
Bro.
Hello?
Like over there?
Maybe?
Hello? Like over there? Maybe?
Jesus dude, he's like a tiny little fucking shadow, man.
of
the
top of
the
Where was he bro?
I think he started shooting everyone.
I was!
I think he was still in that room dude.
There's like a third guy down there.
The third man.
So for that guy that I shot point blank and it didn't kill him.
Is it possible to shoot the gun?
Is that why he didn't die?
The show's gun
Mr. Guy to the left while you were reloading the steps
I'm watching the club I go
He's more flashbangs. I wish your mother had swallowed you chatter
Dude, I shoot him through the fucking throat
Insane I cucked that guy and what did I get in return dude?
Looks like you missed the shot to me.
Interesting.
I don't recall asking you, Chatter.
I don't think I saw anyone else ask your opinion.
Stop posting the bat man, you move
All right, we go let's rock
Let's rock and roll McDonald's
New day. I repeat, new day.
Hey, the guy that's always there isn't there. What's happening?
Arrest that bitch.
I am
Talk to every team keep going
Give me that multi-tool breath it's a pocket knife
I don't think I can shoot that guy without taking a point penalty.
There's splatter of that dude's brains on the wall, holy fuck.
I'm not doing any of this work, you're doing it.
Yeah, maybe we'll bring back a yield shotgun, dude.
Oh, everyone's alive.
It worked.
There's so much trash, man!
the
breeze
because it's like there's so much happening that it's hard to like pick people like pick people out
it's like deliberate visual fatigue and it makes sense
it's crazy
Dr. Wellman trailers incoming all right. I don't want to walk out there
Who we got
So I'm more guys to kill I don't want to kill any more boss. It's wanna go
of
the
I got you!
I got you!
I'll do it.
This is for safety.
Here it is.
Don't use red.
Alibans, this is coming.
Trailer's incoming.
Move over there. On the way.
There's a guy out there.
Hey, get some ground!
No! I am playing!
Get down!
Keep that dude going up, and they're coming in to take over.
This motherfucker, man!
This motherfucker, dude.
Dude, yeah, that's me dying. I get it. I get it.
I can't remember if I called in my team or if I still had them waiting outside there.
If I called them in, how come they didn't shoot that guy?
Explain, Guff.
Oh my God, wait, yeah, shotgun, yeah.
would be nice if you won me when I'm a chatter hmm I think I would like to say
use your old hmm I think you should win what about the journey dude about the
motherfucking journey was last time you actually took a moment to smell the
flowers to enjoy for one moment your surroundings I've heard would shock
I think we're using this one.
Got to stay on that grind.
Oh. I don't think we use it though on this.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
The shotgun L Classico dude.
I don't think we need how many bullets is that I have three flash binnings what the hell
It's seven
Surely we don't need more than 21 bullets, right
Okay, here let's bring five flashbacks, right?
Drop the breaching shotgun and get a launcher.
But I like the breaching shotgun.
Breach!
Ummm...
So these are the launchers, yeah.
have I got two shotguns for I got one for the the terrorist in one for the dope
let's try this out
I got two guns
How many bullets is this?
Four.
Dude, Windows Defender Antivirus!
Why the fuck did that pop up? I haven't seen a ship pop up in years.
Could I have something to do with the Jesus game?
I wonder.
No threats for found boys, it's okay. Everything's fine.
Got a B-1301 shotgun? Next time.
I can't believe he's not carrying an LGM 30 minute man intercontinental ballistic missile
out of like he's serious about fighting for a... I'll show you how to fucking serious I
ain't seeing any of him.
And in suspects of dark entry team, no one's ready.
We'll leave a problem in the ground!
We're out of here!
We're out of here!
We're with the police.
Arrest that B.
We'll leave that problem in the ground!
The Quicken Launcher!
We'll leave it in the ground.
We're on fire.
Lead, this is Tocke.
Great work, entry team.
Keep it up.
This won't be with the freaking danger now.
Yeah, where the fuck do these guys go?
There's one thing with the person dating now.
Yo, where the fuck do these guys go?
And before behind me? And before I get shot in the back?
Police, don't fucking track me in that big town!
Turn around.
What am I gonna do?
Stay quiet.
No, I got this.
These dudes don't kind of stand up and die.
What are you done here? Continue mission
Locked and loaded baby
I got like four guns on me dude
Greetings grandma
I don't have a gun!
I don't have a gun!
You're gonna be okay.
What the fuck?
This is talk. Trailer's en route.
This makes you feel good, huh?
Okay, listen up, man. You're like inches from death.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
So take off all your clothes.
I am getting so hot.
I'm gonna take my clothes off.
Relax.
How about you fuck yourself?
What are you doing?
Come on.
Holy.
Come on.
Get out of here.
You want to see the cat out of here?
Keep your hands up.
Ouch.
You're doing nothing.
Get out of here.
We're not here for you.
You don't like to see people do this.
I
Guess good
of
the
death of
the
death of
the
death
Oh my god.
I'm gonna talk on the hostage, we are really close to shooting that again, for sure.
I'm fucking dead!
Move over there.
Wait, both are gone. Seven.
Leans? This might be missing a leg.
of
here. Talk reporting. Defies, the suspects are holding civilians hostage. Is that him?
I'm so sorry.
Kappa.
They're here for you.
Arrest him.
Custom.
Over there.
Hang up now.
We got one fatality.
Suspect.
Elements, there's the stock.
Throw an understanding of mine.
I got him.
Come out with your hand stuck.
Come out and get down.
Come out and get down.
Come out and get down.
Come out and get down.
Come out and get down.
Come out and get down.
Come on! Hands up!
Secure it! Stay!
Stop back at the scene and reflect the trailers.
Talk to entry team.
There are lives on the line. Watch it!
I'll get ready. The building is ready.
Hi.
Dude, it's just so crazy, man.
It's so crazy because we've been through there, so mentally I'm like, all right, there's
by another mirror dude. There's always some potentially something everywhere.
Everywhere there is something.
Ever, nowhere is safe motherfucker. Every place you've cleared before dude.
People have run around the map. They're coming back through dude. It's round two.
That's right. Canonically justice law doesn't kill hostages so we had to restart that one.
Oh no.
Akihan, jelly-x for 7.
What sidearm is that?
It's the 80085.
1E5, Hoopsies.
your allergy meds today? I'm glad I don't have any allergies that I'm aware of. Is lactose
and tolerance an allergy? What do you guys think?
The laser pointer works just fine when you're holding your shit sideways, but when you look
down the iron sight. Maybe that's deliberate, though. Actually, the practice makes perfect.
Am I right? Yeah, that makes sense.
Are there are the actual laser sights like this?
Not at all.
Like if you get like a giga high-powered one or something.
Mega-Jule laser pointer.
Wait, Jule like the bait?
Laser's gonna count for a bullet drop.
They aren't curved.
Dude stop talking nerd
Was it what is blood talking about geography holy shit, bro
Why don't you get some goop instead, okay buddy make a pee get some Joe, and then we try again
Yes below
But I'm not even one-third your age!
I wish you the best of luck, pal.
You're a good looker, you know, but before you go, let me get one last whiff of your
hair
There's not many commotion from the axis, you know what I'm talking about.
Fucking...
Narrating out loud to himself, dude!
If I have to walk that through another one of these generic ass tunnels dude, I'm gonna flip.
What the hell is this?
Don't be sad man, it's all good.
I'm gonna do it. I'm fucking fucking do it. I will do it. I will actually do it. I'm gonna do it
Don't do it
I fucking did it man
It's so cool
He started doing this after DJing a wedding wedding in Yemen and everyone loved his taste Google Obama
Yama Yemeni Wedding to learn more.
I didn't know he was a DJ.
Wedding that became a funeral.
How many drone strikes in Yemen?
You be squirting, or you on the cream team.
What color are the inside?
Your booty real wet?
Do it clap?
Do it fart?
Do it grip the meat? It's tight?
Yes.
Thank you.
you
you
you
you
you
The title is literally TAS, do you guys know what TAS means, do you know what that means?
Pool-Sisted Speedrun, literally uses machines.
They literally, a task literally uses pre-programmed inputs that are input frame by frame
which means that that level that wanted me to do the fucking shell jump is implying
that it is so fucking precise that it is frame perfect, dude.
So when you ask me why I don't want to sit down and learn how to do a frame perfect trick in my fucking expert run
it tells me that you are too fucking stupid to learn how to tie your own shoe, man. I don't know.
Yeah
What character is that?
Just a fucking widow or dude?
Do you see how he got his name?
You see how we got his name?
up with that game again?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
that shit's on CD
dude love has resigned
who spent E-101 mission dude?
he's got a pussy
was the mdiki jesus christ simulator
or the one you played today better?
the one I played today which should be what should be tell it
Shiro, shiro, shiro, shiro, shiro!
Very good, very good.
I think we're already almost there.
I think we're already almost there.
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
I wish there was a way to skip this screen.
I don't think I need to see that I got 150 boys.
Situation unresolved.
Return to headquarters.
Everyone's resigning by the way.
They fucking hate you.
Over.
Yep, there it is.
But one man remains constant.
This is the same guy, right?
What the hell?
I'll kill you.
Select...
Michonne.
There's a situation unfolding.
Two detectives from Criminal Investigations Unit arrived this morning at the Los Suenos Postal Service on 7th Avenue in East Los Suenos.
Their goal was to have a conversation with the Custom...
Blah, blah, blah.
Shut up, Chief.
I'll kill you.
How come these guys are never making small talk, dude?
Where's the cum rudder?
Yeah, where's the cum?
All dick, no cum.
I'll be with a person now.
Don't believe it!
Don't kill this Averge!
Drop your weapon!
Drop your weapon!
Drop your weapon!
Surely that hit him.
Teleforcy with my mind.
Believe me!
I found your hand!
And I caught you up!
You are so stupid!
Wait, they're dead.
I'm gonna hit you!
Get out of the door!
No!
Please!
Hands up!
I'll get him ready.
I don't care.
The spot is back in your head!
Hey, look at your-
What's up with that guy?
He's not dead.
He's got his fucking-
Take him out.
Send the OG.
What the heck are you talking about boys?
Doc here, proceed with mission.
Doc, well, medical assistance is standing by.
Where is this dude?
I actually hit something.
Where are you bitch?
get out of there
I know him, oh my god
anyone dead?
I don't know where this dude is, I'm gonna be honest.
This guy is just full auto somewhere right now.
Dude.
Yeah, I'll be the judge of that.
I
Talk to me
All right, maybe he was up here
I
Come he didn't drop his gun
He knew I was bluffing? Yeah, I was bluffing. That's not a lot.
But that's also not the point. Bro, like, where is this dude, actually?
Is he shooting me through this? How can he see me?
He's in the walls?
You know, I've never actually arrested this guy.
I've only ever shot this dude.
Oh my!
Oh my god!
Someone ran up the stairs.
It shot me from the stairs.
YAYAYAY!
Maybe we go assault rifle dude.
I feel like I'm not so useful here.
I'm kind of relying on my handgun a lot.
But what if we had full auto assault rifle gun?
Use your squad commands.
Alright.
Try the B-1301 shotgun.
I'm gonna switch to an assault rifle.
Can you dig it, sucka?
Meow meow meow.
Which one though?
Did we ever even use this one? I don't think so.
Mama, Ben?
Ben?
Yes?
Ben?
No.
Pull up the hashtag training channel videos please.
Clyndo, thanks for subbing.
Guys, I'm poop stacking so hard right now, you guys have no fucking idea.
I'm poop sagging, dude.
The golem I think for something
Yeah, you're right.
You're over a red light.
Take your animals and come on.
We're trying to get you to the top.
Talk to the element.
Send them our way.
We're all kind of restrained.
We got to go.
We're going to the right.
This is the right spot.
We're going to the right.
We've got to get out of here.
Trailer in the middle room.
Take it up.
you have been ignored
I
Know
It's my fault, it's my fault.
I wanted to get in, I wanted to scout and I had a little bite, and I know this situation.
I know I already called my boys back.
And check those bathrooms to make sure no one was on the toilet.
air was useful at moon moon he said that because I didn't actually use it
I need to buy three penny thanks for seven
How come we can't learn gun katah in this game?
I want to curve my bullets.
Let's ride.
Oh, son of a bitch.
No!
This was me with a fricking...
Am I now?
You're about to be.
I see you.
Get that pencil!
Try sleeping with your fucking hands now!
Get the fuck outta me now!
Sleep with me!
God!
Get up!
Get the fuck outta me now!
Get down!
Now!
Now!
Now!
Get the fuck outta me now!
Get the fuck outta me now!
Hands up!
Kill them now!
Get up!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on, what are you...
I'm gonna take this!
You have the right to remain silent here.
Anything you do with the enemy, use it against the other protocol.
I'm gonna lie to you.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
Please, this is Todd.
Trailer's head bound.
the
I'm really in the country right now.
Move and clear. Copy that.
Let's switch.
Move in there!
A bird.
Opening on the right.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm holding my hand.
I'm in the light.
Hands on your head.
Move.
I don't need to move.
I'm with you.
Alright.
Get on the fucking ground.
I
This guy died?
I think I can pull that in a second, go.
I think that guy stood back up.
of
the
death of
the
death
of
the
death
of
the
I hear he's there.
So fucking dead.
He went up.
All right, mental reminder, nowhere is safe, including places I have already been.
Especially including...
Dude, what if they can free each other?
Okay. We gotta go around the outside. I'm about to get capped right here by the way.
I'm moving in the hand, don't worry.
Whoa!
More of her!
Me!
Only me!
It's over.
Henry team sets are taking over.
Entry team, this is top.
Stabilize them and we'll stand the empty.
I'm a leader of battle.
That's what happens when you take point.
I don't want to use this shield.
I don't want to.
I wanna dude, you can't make me dude.
Intervention!
We get boys?
Where'd a roster at?
Can't you give the door blocker to your guys?
Yeah, no, there's many ways I could be doing this.
I'm just trying to get better at identifying the tiny little black specs that they are
before they blow my brains out.
I know that should hurt. I know that should hurt.
I
Let's go your first
Good here
Keep the outside real quick
I
Bro, what are you doing out here?
Going in the car
Operating this will be over soon
You can talk to me we're ready
Come with me fellas
Checks bullets, so I need
I did not
I
Absolutely not buddy
There.
I'm moving.
Move there.
On the move.
Answer! Don't move!
Police! Answer!
Answer! Don't move!
I
Have fun oh my god
They've got us the billion down.
This is time.
One doesn't make down.
We're not to leave.
EMTs and trailers are standing by.
I'm calling.
He walked up and blasted the guy's brains and then died.
I'm ducking in real life right now.
I'm reporting. Make them stable and proceed with mission.
The suspects have taken civilians prisoner.
That was a civilian?
That, that, no, we had a gun!
You lost the gun. Repeat. Something like you killed.
So I saw... there was two civilians over here. I assumed he let go of the guy.
Now there was a second guy, right? And then we blasted him.
On my six.
On your six.
I'll save it.
Have it in security.
Put your fucking hands up!
No move
They're just better a little me bro, I don't know what to say that they got fucking owned by it
You want to see what happens when I try for the first time?
Are you ready?
You got to use your team more?
Dude, chat, I literally issued move commands all the way outside.
I am clearly using my team.
And that situation, yes, I did not use my team.
That is not me.
I need to use it more.
I should have used my team.
Okay.
Alright buddy?
You left them behind Rambo? No I didn't. I issued the fucking follow me command. They were there. They watched me die.
They were right behind me when I died. I got shot in the face.
And I fell down and looked behind me and all four of them are standing there.
of
the
death of
the
Yeah
Gold
Hello
You got point
Or they all walk past this guy
of
the
death of
the
death
of
the
Oh, Holmes, come on, man!
Oh, Holmes, come on, man!
I'm going to set back.
I'll set the cure.
Ready for pick-up.
Target reporting.
Trailer's incoming.
Proceed with caution.
Let go!
Move!
I killed that guy.
Dude up.
Moving.
Shit.
Contact it down.
Doctor element.
Proceed with mission.
I'm moving.
I don't know if I hit anyone, but we're not honest.
got him
got him
evidence
shut down
contact him down
bring him down
Malik
come out
come out now
I'm insecure
I want you to get down to
come on
come on
come on
come on
come on
come on
That's right, man.
Need it.
The important thing is that you tried really hard. I actually forgot that I was supposed
to try that time so this time I think I'm actually going to try it. We are safe.
Right, nice and don't play through, was a little bit...
Don't die this time. I got no...
Dude...
It's literally Vietnam. Okay, re-skinned.
All right, man.
It's literally... Dude, you're... Imagine saying this shit to the U.S. troops that had to walk through the jungles of Vietnam.
I'm really dude should have commanded your squad better
Dave you should have issued better orders man to account for that guy that crawled out of the fucking ground
The suspect are refusing to come out or negotiate you are clear to move in
I don't think so, buddy.
No gun.
What the fuck?
Move.
I
Open it you stupid fuck maybe
We've found only two locked doors to the building.
this is talk trailers and route where's the guy is there
oh shit
I made a shirt or she's that guy by the way.
Where the fuck is my team? Did I literally issue that restraint over 25 seconds before
the most recent one by the way? And they still did not arrive before that happened. That is
is insane
of
the
way to
of
the
death of
death of
death of
death of
death of
I
Get down!
Get down!
Come on!
Listen to me!
You! Down in the truck, let's move!
Get out of here!
Get out of here!
Hands up!
Hands up!
Hands up!
Move it!
Hands up!
Move it!
You are a total stupid!
What are you doing?
Please, Henda!
I don't want any shit!
Please, no, I can't!
I don't want to hurt my way!
Henda, help me!
I'm just a little boy, too!
LSD, I'm not doing anything!
I can't stop you!
Don't leave me down the road now!
No way!
This is why you can't help me!
I'm giving you one chance to win!
Henda!
I'm not on your side!
Please, Henda!
I don't want you to move!
I don't want you to move!
I don't want you to move!
Please.
Hands on your head.
I've been waiting for you, asshole.
Please, I'm losing you.
You're going to get killed, anyway!
Hands up!
Don't leave!
I'm just going to get a chest.
Tell us who you're talking to.
Put your hands up your head, man.
Slow me down a little bit.
You!
I want you to be down with me.
Please, hands on your head.
Hands on your head.
Please, hands on your head.
Come out slowly!
Hands on your head.
Hands on your head! Do it now!
Stay here. Stay calm.
Eleanor talk. It's going with the truth.
Entertainment talk. Trailer's incoming.
You didn't get blanched, by the way.
I
Hard to tell where the
I
Oh man, it's only blue team.
What the fuck is this dude?
Oh
You're not here.
The trailer's ready.
Come out with your hands up!
Did we get the shooter?
Oh
Please don't
If I go outside and die, if I order them to follow me, he runs, and I want to run away.
And I want to arrest him
Unfortunately our remaining guys are both in the blue squad
So I can't split them up
I wanted to get the cover real quick
Hands up down on your knees. I mean, maybe maybe I will
It is
I need you to move.
They're just arguing non-stop. I wonder where the last guy is going to be.
I'm reporting trailers are ready
Dude, I'm blowing up the spot right now. I'll be honest
Do anything! Just let me go, huh?
Where did he go?
Please let me go! I have kids!
This is fucking terrifying.
I think he's back behind that.
What if he's dead?
He ain't dead.
He might be that.
I'm a flashback.
I used three of them on the FBI agent who was immune to them for some reason.
I didn't see him.
Let's get it done.
Dude shut the fuck up you've been arguing with that guy for ten minutes!
Wrap it up!
There's another guy he's gonna be on the left.
I think.
Surely if there was another guy he was on the right he would have already hopped out
to shoot at us, right?
Ready?
For what, bruv?
What are you ready for?
Ready.
For what, bro? What are you ready for?
of
the
I think you saw me.
Get down!
What do you want to use, sir?
I do not know how to uh turn this corner without getting caught we're out of utility.
I think he just got out of there.
It's such a fucked up angle because I think they...
I'm gonna get shot with this grate, and I literally cannot see through it.
The
I
Intercom talk we got a dead suspect here talk reporting
Notifying medical you go low bro guys. I got literally one HP throw and I
Suspect is down this is talk proceed with your mission the way that those dates
the colons? I'm worried he can, like, see them shoot me through those before I even have a chance of seeing him.
We're gonna come from the other side
I cannot see those guy bros
Send some fodder for Rika?
I can't really send, I can't move my guys because then the Federal Agent will start shooting
at us and I still have one, I still have one more, I still have one more plan for getting
that guy to surrender.
I just want to be done with everything else first.
No way he's still out here.
I'm so fuckin' dead, bros.
Let's do it.
Oh my god, that scared me.
Dudes.
Already
This guy has the nastiest fucking angle guaranteed, by the way.
It's very possible we personally arrested that guy, by the way, or battling demons right
now.
I'm going to try and check the other side of this building here.
possible that we have taken everyone out and the federal agents County is the
the last one
objective I can't wait to arrive with federal unit I didn't even see that guy
bro
How do you clear that side, dude?
Is there a way to come in from behind there?
Or maybe we actually literally just have to march through the middle of it.
That's so hard.
Better scope for rifle?
You think I got like two time scopes bro?
I don't.
Where was that dude?
Where was that guy man?
Yeah, I got dot sights, that's what I got buddy.
In hard mode, apparently the enemies have 50ms reaction time up from when it was bugged
at 0ms.
That's what the armor's for, dude.
You wear the armor?
You take that for this first couple of shots, bro?
Easy peasy.
I wish I hadn't wasted all my fucking flashbangs trying to arrest that federal agent, dude.
Dude, these guys want me to talk about my emotions.
Never play body cam? No. No.
Nothing quiet
You're a loose cannon justice
Leave this talk
I don't think I am either
Civilian ready
to talk. Talk here. Continue with
objectives.
Don't resist.
Suspect's behind you.
Talk to entry team. Trailer's
incoming. Proceed with caution.
I
Through you hey guys where's my team?
,
Dynamic movement. Move on behind me.
The rest of them.
Police! Jogbo! He needs a tank.
You can't fuck the way out of here.
I can't. Motherfuckers!
Sorry for it. Let it go as this is, standing box.
We're standing.
Packing it up.
LSD Jogbo!
Oh, a seat, man. Oh, a seat.
Dr. Gwellerman, trailers en route.
Turn around and see me.
Dr. Lee, send me.
I
Got boys Jesus
Let me get this thing!
This is Toc. Stay secure and keep going.
I genuinely surprised you to not shoot us.
This is Toc. Beauty. Keep in comms.
Hey, let me know what you like to hear.
Open your blast bay.
Acknowledge.
of
the
one
of
I need to get out of here, talk, you really need to dirt.
Dr. S. Retainment, trailer's ready.
What's your name?
Oh my.
David.
Hehehe.
I can't die here, I'm cold! I can't sit and pull this!
Always check the bathroom.
Okay.
Now we gotta do outside.
Get down! Get down!
Come out with me!
P.T. come out! Get out of here!
Come out! Now!
Slowly!
I got it! L.S.P.V!
Come out!
I'm fully in ready to go!
Copy, now!
Every unit hands up!
Target, proceed with mission.
Sir, do it.
Please, to top of his bag.
Enter team, this is Taki. Trailer, notify.
Suspect restrained and under our control.
Talk to lead. Continue with object.
Understood.
Make him secure.
I got you.
Entry to my left.
One suspect down. Responsive.
Lead, this is Taki. Stabilize them. We'll send EMTs.
Get the right to remain silent.
Right.
I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing.
I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing.
I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing.
Don't move
I wish
I wish I could take the flashbangs for my teammates
Send them in to get shot so you can.
What the fuck is-
Where's that?
Give your hands up!
When did we get this guy?
All right, we only shot one guy and we didn't kill him.
That means he can go to court and have justice served.
of
Please get down on the ground, get down on the ground!
Freeze, come and get the weapon and put your hands on her head!
Ah!
Pull the trigger!
No!
Pull it!
Put it back!
Get him down!
Evidently, it's good to go.
You don't have to get down on the ground.
Doc here.
Trailer's ready.
I am resistant, okay?
Dude, I like visually...
I like, visually,
I just, it's so hard to pick out somebody at this mess.
I'm a dad!
I'm a dad!
I'm a dad!
I'm a dad!
I'm a dad!
I'm a dad!
I'm a dad!
I'm a dad!
I'm a dad!
Oh my god, what are you doing?
There was only three more, there's only nineteen guys, it feels like an army of dudes.
How come they weren't stressed out?
Because I died. Justice law dying for their sins.
Freely next time at Moon Moon. Thanks for the advice. Thank you. I will take that one to heart.
Thank you. Thank you.
Giga Furry next D-Pathix for some of them.
Do you remember some of the basic of CQC?
Oh yeah, but that was like medium range.
And it shot me with a gun.
and get that police don't f**k!
Empty over here. No contacts.
Dr. Elmer, you're starting to find out.
Suspect is dead.
Hey, Ed.
What's up man?
You see that shit?
Did you hear the gunshots?
Bella?
Wait a second.
Me when I-
Why did they go this way?
Weird?
of
the
Come on, fellas.
This is the one you're supposed to have, right?
You're supposed to be here to prove that.
You ain't saying the wrongs.
I promise you that.
Did I duck in real life?
Talk reporting. Excellent work.
Don't stop now.
Hey, stop now!
Okay, okay.
I'll get him ready.
Think now.
Hey, you guys mind?
I'm gonna go talk.
You mind?
I don't remember if I have a bullet or not almost.
I got
and
I swear, I got that guy.
Where the fuck is this federal aid?
What the fuck do you think you are for a leha?
We did in fact knock at that guy
Wait, that's the federal agent?
Hands on!
Elements, this is knocked
It's over, entry team, heads are taking over.
Flash them then bang them.
Evidence to cure 15 of 16.
Does that like populate like as it is like produced or what?
I mean, that must be the case because we still didn't neutralize
at least like 10 suspects.
Does he just complain the whole time?
What was I complaining about?
Give all you guys flash grenade launchers not a bad idea you can get better scopes on battle rifles by the way
Okay
What's ever screen assault rifle
Bigger a bullet?
You're just here to troll, bro?
Dude, that's awesome, man.
Here, send him our way.
Alrighty, inwards I come.
He's on his way.
Doc, 2X3 team, objective failed.
This one's a wash.
Report to top 15, 3.
Oh man.
You will never beat this level.
Nah, I'm gonna be at this time fellas.
a different gun, just suggestion? Suggesting? Uh, noted. Let me just quickly write it down
real quick. Hang on. Fuck yourself, bitch. Thank you.
Let's wait.
Flatingo, thanks for subbing.
Is someone that chatter set?
Oh, I know.
Leave the stock
In an area and are refusing to cooperate move in remember your ROE and secure the area
Recycling opening up ahead
Like dig out
of
Oh
Jesus
of
the
top of the
top of the
We gotta stop using this guy. I'm trying to save him for the fucking better way to leave him.
If I suspect our own civilians, huh?
Tell us this talk the suspects have taken civilians
Oh my god talk here no defying trailers
I don't think that boss can kill that guy.
of
the
one
of
the
I thought I was getting shopper down there.
Really? No!
Well, well, well. Maybe you shouldn't have turned to a Leipzig.
Where's he gonna pick up that guy's shield?
Okay, arrest her.
Move.
Now we're gonna peek over here and get that shot instantly by
I think we're so lost
I want you to die
of
the
government
of
the
There's a guy behind us.
Got him!
entry key to Sock.
Suspect is down, but breathing!
Elevator system is in Sock.
Navalize the little sandy empties.
Where is that guy?
Where is he, man?
Headlight up.
I'm like one HP right now.
I got him.
No one got any cops.
Who do you see?
They about to get shot at I think.
Oh boy.
We also lost another fella.
And no, not a Fortsmella.
Officer Wind!
I
Good work boys good work
Now all we have to do
Is the
My god
The other side of the mail room.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Falling behind me.
So, save that weapon.
Let it go.
I'll wait.
Yeah, you will.
To the other side.
The evidence is false.
Of course.
Open clear.
Move in and clear.
I'll wait.
Opening the weapon.
Watch out.
Okay, let's try this way.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Wait, how do you get down there?
go to here.
Bro, it's straight up Vietnam, bro.
I got nothing here.
of
the
death
of
I got no fucking clue what we're talking about, hahaha.
Suspect is deceased.
Please, this is talk. Proceed with mission.
We're gonna get a better info.
Oh
I know I know we certainly are not safe
I'm telling you right now it looks like I'm looking for something, but visually it's
cooked.
I can't make shit out.
I can't make shit out of it
Well, we got one more flashbang
You guys like using that truck behind me?
This motherfucker is sitting in a corner.
Like you? What? I'm clearing!
This is fucked up.
seems like he moved
of
of
I got to secure my fallen brother's step
up
to
Oh, shit.
Dude.
Enter team, this is Todd. Proceed with mission.
The pucked up part is the... I bet when they made this level?
They're deliberately having these guys like hide in these little nips and crannies.
Bro!
I'm going to step right here and get shocked so we're not here and there's no way of telling where.
all right
All right, you're my body shield now.
Get in there, Gomez.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, stop this shit! I don't want you to go to hell!
and
fuck
they must be a gang or something
is there a guy right there?
the guy is jack
nothing but trouble with the gk
wait there is more guys
Whoever it is, I bet it's one guy left.
Well, time to meet our maker, fellas.
Hey, you have to let me go!
of
Mission failed. Entry team, at home.
Damn! Was it the last guy? No, there was three more, man!
You heard him running, I told you.
One more try.
Johnny, thanks for subbing. Thank you very much.
Holy fucking shit man.
Wait, who we got?
Let's get Kim Woo. Wait, yeah Kim Woo. Yeah dude.
Holy moly!
NYPD has lost 39 recruits to this warehouse.
You know, if that guy was alone, then it's possible that there were two people at the end of the warehouse still.
I just don't- I don't know how...
We do that alone.
Thank you. Moving and clearing.
Damn, they got the gun.
No, put it away.
Oh my god.
I
I
I
What about the fucking FBI?
How do I arrest this guy with that billiard?
Shoot armor leg.
You can do it!
No excessive force, eh?
AAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAH!
Please, John.
Elevator is stuck.
Car is standing by.
Show me the signal!
Power's beating!
Headlight, drop the weapon!
I
of
the
of
the
We're doing the R-barzers.
That's so crazy dude. I'm sitting here and... dude I order these guys to clear that room.
It doesn't work. I move them in. I'm trying to order them again to clear the room now
Now that they're finally in their surprise, motherfucker behind a stack of pallets directly,
this guy chose the worst hiding spot.
Dude.
It was a fucking rectangle, like a body size rectangle, dude.
Still a leader among men, thank you.
That's crazy.